Letters To The Past
by chartreuseian
Summary: They were in totally different eras but they were closer than they'd been in a long time.
1. Open With Caution

**This is me, once again, breaking my promise to myself when it comes to trying to fix the season three cliffhanger...**

**It was inspired by the song Jet Lag by Simple Plan and, as such, is totally for CK and her constant complaining about timezones which got me thinking about how much worse it would be if it were era's instead of a few measly hours :P And, a few hours of surreptitious writing later, here we go.**

**Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

**xx**

Adam was dead, the world was relatively safe and she wasn't at any risk of running into her past self yet Helen couldn't help but feel lost. As far as she could tell, Adam hadn't built anything to take himself back to the future and she certainly wasn't going to try and mess around with the ruined leftovers of his original device. Perhaps if she were able to recruit Nikola or one of the others, she could do it but that was out of the question. She knew how the timeline was supposed to play out and to the best of her knowledge; none of them had had any contact with her future self.

Which, unfortunately left her with only one option; she was going to have to live through the next century and a bit. Alone. She couldn't risk any new relationships and she certainly couldn't stay in England. As it was, she was hiding out in the garden shed of one of her father's properties, sneaking supplies from the larder whenever she was sure she wouldn't get caught. It was a lonely existence and one she couldn't sustain for much longer. Sure she missed her Sanctuary but more than that, she missed her family and friends who were really one in the same. She missed Will's dry humour, she missed Henry's childlike glee when it came to technology, she missed Kate's kick-ass attitude, she missed John's… well, that one was too hard to define. And she missed Nikola. Just plain old missed him. She didn't even both trying to figure out why she missed him because, secretly, she knew.

Then there was the question of what she was going to do with her life. Sure, she could hide but charity and thievery were only going to get her so far. She couldn't very well call on any of her contacts or even try and develop a new life for herself, lest she become too recognizable. She almost needed to become invisible.

One particularly cold evening, Helen was sitting, curled over the small fire she'd created, pondering just how she was going to make a living. Unfortunately, despite her skills, her only avenues were to be either a maid of sorts or a lady of the night. Even if she wasn't repulsed by the idea of the latter, with her not yet ex-fiancé/Jack the Ripper out terrorising the city, it most certainly was not a path she'd be pursuing. And that left her with domestic duties which would be something of a problem. Helen knew she'd never been particularly good at setting someone's hair or pressing dresses or even cleaning. And she had no references. She had nothing to rely on.

Again, she found herself missing her friends, missing the comfort and solace she wasn't allowed to find in their arms. She was well and truly alone, cut off from everyone and everything she ever knew. She couldn't even be herself, Helen Magnus was a young blonde scientist who spent her evenings in the company of four intelligent men who respected her. Helen Magnus wasn't the woman in this shed, sitting by a tiny fire pit, picking over the last of the food she'd been able to steal and she most certainly wasn't a woman who hadn't bathed in several days. As shallow as it was, her own filth was beginning to get the better of her.

Just as she let out a particularly heavy sigh, a bright white light flashed into the corner of the room. Without thinking, Helen grabbed her gun and the single bullet that still resided in it and aimed it at the corner. After a minute of no movement, Helen slowly began to creep forwards, her breathing heavy. Swallowing to try and steady her hands, she crouched down a metre away corner. Eyes wide, she shuffled a few steps closer, having trouble seeing much in the flickering light. Aha! There, a small white envelope with a cursive script she recognized as her own despite the dark evening was sitting on top of the broken machine she'd salvaged from Adam's lab.

_Helen._

_Open with caution._

The second line was written by a different person but the writing was no less recognizable. That was Nikola's writing. The very same writing that had graced the note he had given her back in Rome. She was certain of that because, not that she'd ever admit it, she still had that small piece of paper. It was tucked into the bottom draw of her desk. Or it would be, once he gave it to her in 128 years time. Hand shaking, Helen discarded her gun and reached for the letter. The paper was warm to touch and she withdrew her fingertips almost immediately.

Giving her heart a moment to slow, Helen sat back on her heels, moving to the side to shed literally more light on the letter. The paper, even from this distance, she could tell was far more refined than anything made in the century she was currently enduring. With another breath, Helen crept forwards again, stroking the now cool white paper. Fingers still shaking, she picked up the letter, holding it away from her body as she scampered back to the fire.

Gently, she laid it down in front of her, careful to not jostle it too much. Shrinking back from the mystery envelope, Helen curled up on her makeshift pillow, tucking her legs underneath herself. Her breathing now calmed, the only noise in the small room was the crackling of the pitiful fire. Taking a deep breath, Helen reached out again and picked up the envelope. When nothing happened, she slowly began to examine it and was a little shocked when nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.

Still dubious as to its origins, Helen flipped over the letter and quickly ripped it open, taking out the single sheet of folded paper within. Discarding the envelope, Helen let her eyes flick over the contents of what was a very brief letter.

_Write to him. You know who I mean. Just write to him._

Helen was a little disturbed by the words she had written to herself. She knew exactly who she'd meant and the fact her mind had gotten there, would get there, was comforting and confronting.

_And make sure you keep the remnants of that device with you_.

Nikola always did have to have his two cents, she thought fondly as her eyes flicked to the small pile that was Adam's disastrous machine. Maybe it wasn't as non-functional as she'd originally thought.

_80-82-84-85-86-88-91-95-97-04-09-17-43_

Helen stared at the string of numbers for a few minutes, unsure of what they meant. They were scribbled in both sets of handwriting, some scratched only to be replaced by the same numbers while others were left cut out completely. She had no idea what they were but given the fact that they'd clearly been proofread, she had the feeling they'd be important.

Putting the letter down, she rubbed her eyes before grabbing the envelope again, crushing it in her fist but it didn't give as easily as she'd hoped. Once again confused, Helen uncurled to paper only to find a decent wad of money in it alongside another slip of paper.

_Paris. Then Budapest. Then back again._

Budapest. Helen let out a gasp as she dove for the original piece of paper. Budapest. 80. 1880 perhaps? Write to him. She was telling herself to write to him. As the pieces all fell into place, Helen let out the laughter that was building up inside her. Then a sobering thought hit her. How? How would she get her letters to him? How would she get responses? Would she even get a response? How did the original letter get here? How was she supposed to trek around the world with barely enough money to get to Budapest and back? How was she going to stay hidden from him?

What was she going to write?

Something about that last question was more mind boggling than all the others put together. This was a man she'd known for the better part of her life and despite her frequent attempts to kill him, she cared for him deeply. Probably more than she should considering the frequency with which he did something stupid that endangered her life. Probably more than she should considering his own, self proclaimed, feelings.

But strangely enough, when Helen put aside her longing for her Sanctuaries, he came next on the list. She could argue that it was because she was lonely or that she just wanted someone to make her smile but it was more than that. She missed him in a way she'd never thought possible. While John left a hole in her heart, Nikola's absence was like a constant throb that made her entire body tingle with apprehension. All she wanted to do was breathe in that delightful scent that was well and truly his, that slightly husky aroma that reminded her of electricity while making the very same substance run through her veins. He was her closest friend and, whatever the others may think of him, there were very few people she'd trust more with her life than the last of the Vampires.

And that was half the problem. She knew how she felt, knew how he made her feel but she didn't know how she _really_ felt. In truth, she didn't always want to know, it would be too complicated but this note said something had changed between them. Or would change. These tenses were giving her a headache.

Helen shook her head, trying to think all this through would make her crazy and that was not something she needed. She'd do it. She'd write to him and at least make an attempt at this ridiculous game. Despite a lifetime of understanding via inquiry and intense scrutiny of her options, here she was, on a whim, deciding to throw all that to the wind. Maybe she was a little closer to crazy than she'd first thought.

It might not be much but now she had something to look forward to, something to take her mind off the fact that life would no longer hold much of a surprise for her. It would keep her busy, at the very least. Quickly she flicked through the numbers again, trying to remember where Nikola would have been at the time. As she ran a finger over her own handiwork, she noted the gaps, comparing them to her own memories. They were the times he'd spent with her. Past her. They would be a long few years to watch from afar.

She didn't quite understand how it would all work but by God was she willing to try.

Grabbing her note book and a pen, some of the last vestiges of modernity she had, Helen sat down and started to write. She may have to wait for 132 years to actually see him again but in the mean time, she had a plan.


	2. Helen: 1880

**Naw, thanks for all the lovely reviews guys! You gave me the warm and fuzzies all day ^^ **

**Some of you were asking if this is a oneshot and NO IT CERTIANLY IS NOT! I plan on writing each of the thirteen letters :D**

**I should mention that this will (pretty much entirely) be told through the letters. I've got a thing for handwritten letters and while the next chapter will be told with a bit of non-letter-ness at the beginning, the rest of this will be relying on the letters. I'll get the next one up either tonight or tomorrow (gotta love holidays right?) so stay tuned!**

**This is working in the premise that Helen is either visiting all the places Nikola will be and leaving him a letter or will, at the very least send them to him.**

**I'll also give you a little background on each of the moments of Nikola's life that we'll be visiting. You'll have to forgive me if some of my facts are off, I'm working off a timeline I found online but, should that occur, we'll just keep in mind that everything in Sanctuary is a little different and therefore it's O.K, O.K?**

**So:**

**In 1880 Nikola was working in Budapest but, while there he suffered a nervous breakdown. Whatever the reason for this breakdown was, I'm ignoring it and (pun intended) injecting my own source blood spin into the scenario.**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><span>1880, Budapest:<span>

_Nikola,_

_I'm certain this will seem strange and laughable but I can't think of writing to you under any kind of false pretence. You need to know that the version of me writing this is not the version of me you know. Yet. This is sounding convoluted even to me and this is my fifth attempt at this letter so please forgive me. And, I suppose, considering your 'condition' at this time, a little more tact on my end would probably be appropriate._

_But you and I were never particularly attached to convention, were we? Do you remember that night, just after the blood when you were at your worst? I could hear you from the other end of the house, you were in so much pain. I snuck into your bedroom and tried to convince you to drink from me. That was before you'd accepted what you'd become. You were so stubborn and I couldn't understand why. You needed blood, I was certain of it but it took me hours of pleading with you to accept what I was offering. Even then you were so afraid you'd hurt me that you were almost crying when you finally took what you needed. You shouldn't have been so worried, it didn't really hurt. I don't think I ever told you how it felt, did I? There aren't really words to describe it. It started so gently, like you were softly stroking my entire body from the inside but then, as you picked up the pace it was like there was electricity running through my veins. Afterwards, I almost thanked you, it was an experience I knew I'd never forget but you'd already fallen asleep in my arms. Why did you fall asleep, by the way? Considering you don't now, it's a little odd. _

_Anyway, that's not what I wanted to tell you. This is going to sound impossible but please just try and believe me, it is the truth. _

_I am from the future. Your future. Our future. But I'm writing from the same point in, well history for me but for you this would be the present. I can't explain now and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to but I'm certain than once I get back to the right time, you'll be able to explain it to me in great detail. You really are a genius. There will be times I'll dispute it but please try and forgive my younger self. Sometimes you were just too insufferable to stomach and cutting down your ego, as ineffective as it was, was the only way any of us could stay sane. _

_It will have been four months since we have seen each other for you and it will be another three before I write to you. Or the other me will write to you. And you mustn't ever tell me about these letters. Wait for me to broach the subject. I'm writing these now because you asked but more than that, because you need to know that, while I will do things that speak volumes to the contrary, I do care for you Nikola. There will always be a place for you in my heart, even if I can't admit it._

_I don't know what prompted this 'breakdown' but I have feeling that you've simply forgotten to take your medication for a few weeks too many. I remember it took weeks for the news to reach me and by that point I was so angry at you for leaving us that I didn't have the guts to send the letter I wrote almost immediately. I was convinced the five of us needed to stick together, safety in numbers and all that. And, I have to admit, I was a little jealous of you. You were so young, so vibrant and so sought after, or so it seemed. You were going to do such amazing things while I had to sit back and wait for the world to accept me as a scientist. But I shouldn't be so glum, after all I've seen the future._

_I know this won't make sense to you yet but thank you for saving my sanity. I know these next few years will be hard and I have no idea how you've managed it but thank you. I don't say that enough and I know it. Despite your ability to endanger my life on a regular basis, I care for you greatly Nikola and I always have. You are certainly, at this point in my life, my closest friend and, while I will never, ever admit it to you, I miss you dearly. _

_I know this is incredibly selfish of me. I'm asking you to keep a secret that is impossibly large and confusing without offering any kind of explanation and for that I will always be sorry. I know you asked me to do it (well, I asked me to do it) but that doesn't make it right. Timeline or no, I shouldn't be doing this, it's unfair but I have a feeling that won't stop me. I am forever in your debt._

_Thank you for everything you've done for me, and for everything you will do for me. You are a good man Nikola, don't ever let me forget it._

_Until next time,_

_Helen._


	3. Nikola: Budapest

**I'm trying to give Nikola a few little moments of weakness here and, while it may seem OoC, we're just all gonna assume that, because he and Helen are FINALLY together in his era, he's a little more free with his affections. **

**The fake name is a bastardised version of my favourite character (who is just as fiery as our Helen some days) in "An Affair Before Christmas" (among others in the series) by Eloisa James. **

**If anyone is interested, I chose to use Rostock because it is in fact a beautiful city (the old parts anyway) and when I was there I had a hard time not removing all the modern additions in my mind so that I could picture the adorable walled city in all its period glory. Seriously, go google :P**

**Brownie points/Tesla cookies for whoever can translate (get to google translate) the little line that is clearly not English first.**

**Thank you to CK who laughed at my hideous typo's. You make proof-reading fun :P**

**Thank you to the lovely people who've been reviewing. Each email makes me smile a little bit brighter :)**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p>Helen was pacing her small apartment in Budapest, trying to figure out what to do. She'd just delivered her first letter to Nikola, sneaking out in the darkest moment of the night to slip it under his laboratory door but now she felt lost, that sense of direction and purpose the letter had given her was slipping away. Over the course of her trip, she'd found the occasional pile of coins on top of Adam's device, often accompanied by little notes telling her how to bet the money. She would have objected but the amounts she won were small enough to go unnoticed individually and she was desperate.<p>

Settling down onto her bed with a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumped. Tomorrow morning, bright and early she had a ticket booked to take her to Germany. She had two years to wait until she could write another letter and she had to find something to do with her time. Drawing on her memory, she'd recalled a story of an abnormal living in Rostock, a port city on the North Sea. This particular abnormal, according to rumours, was running something of a primitive Sanctuary for some of the locals. Having had no contact with the organization previously, Helen, or Jemma Beaumont as she was now known, was certain that she would be fairly safe there until the time came for her to return to Paris.

Trying to feel enthused by the idea, Helen stood up, shaking out the skirts of the newest dress she had bought. It was a drab olive green but Helen had been insistent on buying clothes of quality. It cost her more than she could afford but it was sturdy and surprisingly comfortable. Letting out a deep breath, she moved to her small suitcase, prepared to begin packing but then, out of the corner of her eye she saw a bright white flash. Turning to face the pile of dismantled technology, a small smile crept onto her face. She cherished each of these letters, seeing her own handwriting meant that one day, this would all be over but this time, no pouch was evident, only a thick white envelope with the words "Što se mene besmrtne," scrawled across the front.

Nikola.

Her heart started to flutter and she grabbed the letter, tearing it open after memorizing the quick strokes of his pen across the surface. With hungry eyes she sank onto her bed and devoured the letter in her hands.

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><p><em>My dearest Helen,<em>

_No doubt you are just as shocked at this moment as I was when I received your first letter all those years ago. I spent weeks trying to decipher your comments. There was even a brief period of time when I actually thought it was a hoax. I'm ashamed to say I thought some rather nasty things about you for a week or two. Then I came to my senses._

_I am writing this from what is to you, the future. It is in fact 2012 and while that must seem like a lifetime (or two away) you assure me that it passed in the blink of an eye. You also told me I could tell you it was 2012 so don't start fretting that I've destroyed the timeline and the world will now end in a great, fiery ball of death and destruction. _

_I did write responses to your letters, back when I first got them but, sadly paper doesn't survive the centuries well. You won't tell me what to write so bear with me (or blame yourself) if this doesn't make sense._

_Yes, of course I remember that night. I'd never been more powerfully aroused than when you let loose that little groan in my ear. Well, until about three months ago that is. You were utterly delectable, inside and out. I know I've told the future you how beautiful you taste but it does need to be said again. You are finer than any wine I've ever tasted; just thinking about your blood makes my mouth water. And I know you like it when I drink from you but you must remember that my iron will isn't so steely when you've got a hand down my pants (just for future reference)._

_That night you were so selfless, Helen. That's when I realised you'd be a brilliant doctor. You knew I could kill you but you were so determined to help and I never thanked you for it. I should have. You saved me Helen, you stopped me from running away and killing as many people as I could get my hands on to satisfy my thirst. If you hadn't been so foolish in your insistence that I try and kill you, who knows how many others would have died. _

_I have no idea why I fell asleep but let me tell you, it is one of my fondest memories. You smell just as delectable as you taste and it always astounds me that in the entire time I've known you (and been allowed in your bed) you've never smelt any different. _

_When I first read your admission of my intelligence, I almost fell off my chair, but now, all these years later you've told me enough times for me to believe you. Almost. Not that hearing it a little more wouldn't be nice. And you were right, I did figure it out for you. I know that right now you'll be trying to figure all this out and I'm not telling. Not because I can't but because we've got to keep the mystery alive somehow. Just, whatever you do, make sure you keep close to that machine at all times. For both our sakes._

_You're right, of course. I did in fact forget to take my medication but I was so consumed with my work that it honestly did slip my mind. I did briefly wonder why none of you tried to contact me, knowing of my condition the way you did. At the very least I expected a few frantic telegrams telling me to take my medication but not a word. I will admit that I was hurt by that but I kept telling myself you were all too busy in your little Sanctuary project to realise I'd almost gone on a rampage. _

_Have no fear, I miss you too. Always have. There were so many times when all I could think about was the sound of your voice chastising me for blowing something up or those rare moments when I could make you laugh. You do have the most enchanting chuckle. You've told me many times how hard those years were for you (yes, under, let's call it duress) but you should know I wanted you too. I spent so many years pining for you, as ashamed as I am to admit it. That's why I stayed away for so long._

_Don't ever feel guilty for these letters. Each one I received felt like something of a lifeline to me, a confirmation that somehow, someway you'd care for me in the end. They may have been confusing and convoluted but they kept me sane in all those years when we were apart. Keeping it a secret may have been hard but, as far as I was concerned back then, it would all be worth it in the end. I still have every single one of your letters, tucked away, some rewritten, others unbelievably fragile yet original.__ We__ asked you to do this because you'd already done it. None of this is against the rules, in fact, if you don't write, you'll change history, or the future, whichever way you look at it. And I promise that I'm not being overly dramatic. Please don't stop Helen. Not ever._

_While I may be a genius and one who successfully engineered a device to deliver these letters to you, thanks is not needed. Nice but unnecessary. You should know by now I'd do anything for you. Or you will know it soon enough. Plus you've already made it up to me. And yes, in exactly the manner you are now thinking._

_Now go my love, go to that tiny port town. Two years really isn't a long time._

_With all my love,_

_Your Nikola._

_PS: Do you still have the scar?_


	4. Helen: 1882

**Y'all are super sweet with your reviews! And I'm glad you're liking softer but very eager yet still dirty and flirty Nikola :)**

**In 1882 Nikola Tesla moved to Paris to begin work with the Edison Electric Company with his close friend Anthony Szigety, who was with him when he had his epiphany concerning AC power (which he was apparently so obsessed with that he had the previously discussed breakdown). He also (according to the websites I'm using) quoted Faust at the time. **

**Again, thanks for the reviews ^^**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

**PS: To those wondering about the scar comment in Nikola's letter, it was in reference to his feeding on her... I'm just assuming that a scar was left...**

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><p><span>Paris 1882:<span>

_Nikola,_

_This won't make sense yet but thank you for your letter. It made for good reading these past two years. I'm sure I've told you of what I discovered in Rostock but, just in case, remind me to tell you, I'm certain you'll find it fascinating. Especially the story about Southern-hemispheric sea scorpion we found in the Baltic Sea of all places…_

_I hope you're enjoying Paris. If you get a chance, go down to __La Closerie des Lilas__, I've heard their coffee is to die for. I know you won't play the part of a tourist but take some time off Nikola, go and relax. Forgetting to take your medication won't lead you to break throughs, only pain and, in some cases death.__ Trust your instincts Nikola, above all else. Your mind is a gift and one that I know you will not squander willingly but if you do not care for yourself, I can make no promises._

_I think leaving Budapest was a good move for you. And you should stay close to Anthony, you need friends. He helped you through some dark days and you shouldn't scorn him for caring for you. __Hearing of your recovery took a weight off my shoulders. I felt so guilty for not coming to see you, we all did and I'm glad that if I couldn't be there, Anthony could be. Of course, back then I didn't know he was with you, or even who he was but now, knowing that you weren't alone makes that ache a little easier to bear._

_This will be a great year for you. Believe in your plans, your mind is just as fantastic as you suspect. One day you'll have to explain this vision that came to you, it sounds odd. Or have you been spinning tales again? Somehow the thought of you reciting Faust as you gazed at the setting sun is a little too poetic for someone as practical as you. Even now I don't understand how that happened though I suppose it's not so much that means as the end. Then again, considering the amount of time I've spent pushing you away, I don't know you very well, do I? _

_By now you and I are in somewhat regular contact but you've yet to tell me you are in Paris. I did briefly flirt with the idea of coming to visit you in Budapest but John talked me out of it a thousand times, saying that if you wanted to see us, you'd say as much. Of course, he was right, coming to Budapest would have been a bad idea. No doubt I would have said some things that weren't very nice. You would have been so delighted in your work and your achievements and I don't think I would have been able to restrain my jealousy at your lifestyle. You were free to pursue your dreams and I, courting John, had obligations to my father that I couldn't escape. I can see now that I was rather petulant about the whole affair. Try not to hold my youth against me._

_At the moment, you must be enamoured of your work but I have to ask you to be careful Nikola. Yes it is brilliant and exciting and you will change the world but for the love of God be careful. You are so young and while you think you are wise in the ways of the world, you still have so much to learn. I know you care only for your inventions, that the politics of business are not what interest you but just try and keep a level head. For me. _

_Despite your insistence that these letters won't change the future, I again feel like I should apologize. Here I am getting the chance to tell you how I feel, to tell you that there are betters days ahead and I know it's selfish of me but one day I will make it up to you (and may I say, that quip was disgustingly predictable), I promise. I've taken so much from you Nikola and you have never asked for anything in return. You call me selfless but, underneath that cocky, self serving attitude, you have endangered, and will endanger your life time and time again for me and I will rarely say thank you. So please, take the thanks of a woman far older than the one you know and know that, while the young girl may never be able to say it to you, she and I both are indebted to you._

_Yours,_

_Helen._

_PS: Ask me again in 138 years and I'll show you._


	5. Nikola: Paris

**I suppose this is rather early for Nikola to be admitting that he loves her but I want more room to review his side of their history. I've always been fascinated by how our lovestuck vampire saw their interactions :)**

**Thank you to those who've read and/or reviewed! Y'all are all so positive that it make me purr like a Nubbin. Or hum. I don't really know how to describe the happy little noise they make… But I'm sure you get the picture.**

**Oh, and I've also started another little story that will sit parallel to this one. Basically, I'm fleshing out the stories that I mention in these letters, giving you a glimpse at their past, their separate presents (mostly Helen) and the future Nikola is writing from. The first chapter is up and comes directly from the first pair of letters, looking at the night Nikola fed from her.**

**And I'm making a game out of the Serbian phrases Nikola is writing on the front of his letters. CK cheated on the last one (:P) so we'll just start from this letter instead… Not that you'll win anything except praise. Though if you can think of a prize, I'll do my best to comply :D**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moje sve…<em>

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><p><em>Fair Helen,<em>

_And I thought your first letter could not be topped when it came to guilt stricken, heart wrenching and all out confusing correspondences that spanned more than a century. Though I suppose considering we are only two letters in, there is room for that to grow exponentially. Please don't let it, don't be so dour about the whole affair after all, how many people get the chance to review their entire history?_

_Yes, I know, that fell flat, even to my ears but don't lose faith, my love, I'll be waiting for you. Always. _

_Thanks for the tip about the café. In fact, I'm sitting just outside it as I write this letter. You're inside getting us something to drink and I have a nasty feeling you're going to try and make me drink tea. Again. Though, hopefully because I'm telling you this now, you'll remember and bring me coffee at the very least. Wine would be even nicer but I won't hold my breath._

_I'll have you know I'm very poetic. Eventually you'll find out that my knowledge does extend far beyond Goethe but in the mean time, take my word for it. But don't think I'll be reciting Byron or Keats to you any time in the future. And I mean __any__ time. Again, the way in which you are praising me would make a lesser man blush. It's all very sweet but, really, you can just come out and say it, I know how you feel. As eloquent as your phrasing is, three words will suffice._

_I've been trying to convince you to tell me what to write but, despite my very best efforts, you are remaining frustratingly tight lipped on the whole issue so I'm going to take a stab in the dark. Well, it isn't really a stab in the dark because when I tried to talk to you about it, you told me you already knew which makes me fairly certain I'm to write a letter about it._

_So, remember that time you went to Hollow Earth? The first time that is…_

_John and Adam followed you, of course you know that but what you don't know is that I tried to go with them. Bloody (oh look, you're rubbing off on me) John wouldn't take me. That son of a bitch took snivelling, pathetic, Adam Worth on that suicide mission and not me. And yes, I know, bring up good old Johnny when I'm trying to woo you from a different century isn't a good idea but you have to know I wanted to go. And it wasn't just Praxis and the mystery it held. I was worried for you Helen. It was so dangerous and you didn't even seem to care. I know you were dying but that knowledge doesn't make it any easier to watch the woman you love walk away from you and to her death. I'd ask you to promise not to do it again but you're too stubborn for any such thing to be of consequence. That and you've already broken it. More than once. Actually, 6 times at last count. In less than a year. I honestly don't know how you do it. And yes, I mean survive __and__ get yourself into those situations. I digress…_

_When you came walking back through those doors, I didn't know whether to chastise you, quiz you on the city or try and kiss you. You were so quite about the whole mission, in fact, you still (well, for the you that I am writing to) haven't told the me you will meet in a few decades time about the event. You have to tell me Helen, our lives are so complicated and so full of secrets, don't let that be another. _

_And yes, I am trying to woo you. I'm fairly certain I'll succeed too so the sooner you give in, the easier this will be for both of us. But I will so enjoy the chase. _

_I know I should probably be more guarded with my words but you have to remember that this is unimaginably hard for me too. Just thinking about how close we were, about the fact that you were staying in the building opposite me, makes my heart ache for you. You've told me time and time again that it wasn't nearly as bad as I think but Helen, I know what it was like to pine for the two Helen's who wrote to me, both so far away (or so I thought). I can only imagine the struggle you were faced with. I love you Helen and I refuse to hide it in these letters. To tell the truth, I don't know if I could hide it. I told you long ago how I felt and I know you might think I was insincere but one day, I'll prove to you that my feelings have not changed. I only hope that, until then, these letters can help to convince you. _

_Take my word; it will all get better eventually. The fact that I'm staring at your still delightful derriere as we speak should stand testament to that. Or the fact that you know that I'm staring, haven't shot me yet and aren't likely to. Either way._

_I've included for you the address you provided me with of a man you can stay with in Scotland for the next two years. From what you've told me of your time with him, you're about to have some pretty fantastic adventures. Enjoy, __ljubimac but don't do anything to make me jealous. Please (I asked nicely, surely that counts for something)?_

_Until next time,_

_Nikola._

_PS: Tease. And I know you still have the note from Rome but I'll tease you about that later._


	6. Helen: 1884

**I know it's been a while since I updated this one but no one seems to be screaming for it so I feel a little less guilty. Plus it means I can take my time :) And, you know, I'm kinda easily distrac- OH LOOK SHINY, SHINY TESLA! :P**

**This one I wrote half in my pretty little notebook (which helped inspire the idea of handwritten letters) while at the hairdressers and half over dinner as I tried to write a speech but I actually love it. It might be a little rough but I was getting all smushy and angsty and it just feels right to me... I have no idea where any of that emotional crap came from...**

**And for the little compainion I've got going for this, I'm tossing up writing the scene in here or 1884's Nikola reacting to getting a letter... I can't decide so suggestions are welcomed :)**

**Now, for your little history lesson:**

**In 1884, Nikola arrived in New York with four cents to his name. Apparently everything else had been stolen by the men who threatened to throw him overboard (we can only imagine what he did to get into that predicament). But, while he was in New York, Tesla met, for the very first time Thomas Edison (dun dun dun...)**

**Hugs to everyone who's been reviewing!**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><em>Nikola,<em>

_Welcome to New York. You've told me many times how overwhelming you found those first moments as you stepped off the boat and I can only imagine the sense of excitement you must have felt, despite the rather horrid trip over. _

_From what I remember of your letters t the time, it was a very tumultuous trip. Only you could talk yourself out of being thrown overboard after provoking the men into that very action in the first place! Though I suppose losing all your worldly possessions bar four cents is punishment enough for your quick tongue._

_I've enclosed some of the money you will one day send me. It's not much but if you take all of it (yes, I remember your affinity for gambling but promise me you won't ever let it get the better of you again) and mention my name at the address I've also enclosed, you should be guaranteed board and food for at least a week. That should be enough time for Edison to set you up in some proper accommodation. _

_I know right now he seems like some sort of god to you but please keep your wits about you Nikola. You are worth too much to me to see you descend back into obscurity. Or at least an obscurity where I cannot visit._

_Even if you hadn't told me before, I can imagine just how excited you are. You should be, the next few years are going to be magnificent, I promise. I only wish that the version of myself writing this could be with you. I want to see your joy, Nikola. That's what I miss most about our old friendship. The way that even the smallest discovery could make your eyes light up._

_Do you remember that time, in the middle of winter when you came sprinting across the courtyard, desperate to tell us of your latest discovery? I can't remember for the life of me what it was but you were so excited that you completely forgot to put on a hat or gloves, regardless of the fact that it hadn't stopped snowing in days. I remember you banging on the door, calling out for us to hurry up. Not because you were cold, of course but because you had news to share. That moment I opened the door will be forever ingrained in my mind. Your hair was a mess, sticking up at all angles but smoothed down in others with snow melting in it. Your cheeks were flushed, eyes bright and breathing laboured. But more than any of that, I remember you smile. I had never seen you so happy in all our days together. You made my heart leap._

_Of course, the way your face fell when you realised only I was present is also something I'll never forget. You looked so utterly defeated that I felt I should hug you. The animation only returned to your face when you realised you could at least share your discovery with me. We spent hours and hours talking about it, me picking apart every assumption you had made but your confidence was unwavering. It must have been around Christmas because I remember, just as we went to leave the room, you stopped me, pulling me over to the doorway on the other side of the room. I think I started to ask you what you were doing but then you pressed your lips against mine so very softly. You always did know how to keep me quiet. I think you may have whispered something to me afterwards but I was so dazed that the only thing that I could focus on was that you tasted of electricity. Not that I have any idea what electricity tastes like but that was the only word I could ever come up with to describe it. You taste like electricity Nikola Tesla. There's something rather fitting about that, don't you think?_

_But after you kissed me, you hugged me and walked away, waiting by the door until I grabbed my things. You were so silent as we walked back and one thing that I remember (because my memory of before the blood is frighteningly scant on details) is that you didn't say a word, and I wanted you to. I didn't know what to say or what to do, I just needed you to take the lead. But, in the end, I don't think it mattered. Four months later came the blood and after that, we were all too wrapped up in the changes to ourselves to see anything outside of that. Plus it was Christmas. And mistletoe. I didn't think it was anything more than what it appeared to be. Well, I don't think I did._

_Looking back over this letter, I realise it has become far more melancholy than I intended but things between us were so rarely light and carefree. On the surface maybe, but deep down I think we both confused the hell out of each other. You still confuse me on a regular basis._

_Don't feel guilty for anything you did or didn't do, love. After all, the past is why I'm writing these letters to you. _

_I miss you._

_Helen._

_PS: I have the feeling you will be storing away these letters so don't begrudge me one, tiny note._


	7. Nikola: New York I

**Uh, season 4? *SQUEEEEEEEE***

**LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT/WILL EXPLODE IF YOU HEAR SPOILERS**

**This story sort of but not quite works with the way that they ended it all… If you overlook the fact that I sent her back 18 years further… Which we will… Because I don't want to actually rewrite everything I've done so far. Plus then we'd miss some of the more interesting bits of Nikola's life. Though I have included a teeny, tiny reference to the rooftop conversation :P Just pretend yeah?**

**BUT HOLY HANNAH SEASON 4! **

**Oh, and I'm sorry, but he is Jack the Ripper. And I will always refer to him thusly. Screw you Kindler, screw you… (Not really because I love you and think you're a bit of a god)**

**Also, massive apology to INfamouslyCK for not watching Tempus with her (even though I've already said as much). It just wouldn't have worked, you know that :P**

**Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think :)**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moj dragulj<em>

_To my darling Helen,_

_While New York was exciting, it was far surpassed by your letter. You were very sneaky in the delivery, might I add. Not that I'd expect anything else but I think it sat on my doormat for three days before I finally came home and found it (you and I have been comparing notes but it seems you aren't so crash hot on dates). If we've timed this right, you should be reading this just after dropping off my letter. _

_You shouldn't have sent me that money Helen. You need it more than I. That said, thank you, you saved me from the pitiful accommodation my contacts had arranged. _

_I must say, your little line about obscurity (at the time) made me laugh. After all, I was confident that couldn't ever happen but, even if it did, the thought of you being with me would make it all so much better. The irony in those words though, only make sense to me now for you are the one hiding away from the world, from all you know. You told me that James referred to it as a holiday but I think you would have been very lonely. You may be remarkably self-sufficient but you're entire life you've been surrounded by one type of family or another. You are the bravest person I know Helen, no one else would be able to survive all these years hidden away from everything and everyone they'd ever or ever would know. You make it sound so easy and pain free but even 60 years without you was excruciating, twice that would be nearly unendurable. _

_Oh of course I remember that day. And you're right, it was a week before Christmas (you really are terrible with dates). That was the year I fell in love with Christmas (you though I was going to say you but trust me, fair Helen, that happened a long time before I finally worked up the nerve to kiss you). Christmas has always been our season, hasn't it? Do you remember that first Christmas party of James's? You looked lovely in blue and I sat, the entire evening under the mistletoe without the faintest clue of what I was inviting. Of course, that makes it all the more scandalous that you willingly joined me. As to why I was silent, I simply figured I'd played my cards already and that the ball, so to speak, was very firmly in your court. Perhaps I should have pushed for something, anything, maybe even another kiss though I'm not sure how successful that would have been. Perhaps I'll try this Christmas? I think you're considerably less likely to slap/shoot me nowadays. _

_So, on to the interesting stuff. Rome. And don't get all antsy about this, you had to know it was coming. You blatantly refuse to discuss it with me so I'm fairly certain I'll be made to pay for this but it will so be worth it. _

_To be honest, Rome didn't exactly go the way I had planned. Blame the Cabal for that though, considering I probably would have hid from you for even longer if it hadn't been for them, maybe I should at least give them the credit they are due. I had intended to swoop in, startle you with that smile you will one day admit makes you weak at the knees, have a bit of fun running away from the Cabal before showing you my prized creations. Well, maybe it did go to plan but I honestly thought you'd be enthused or at the very least impressed by what I'd achieved. But no, you had to get on your pretty little high horse and shoot me. What's worse is that you shot me AFTER I told you I loved you!_

_I know you didn't think I was being sincere but I was. I mean, I love you more now but I did love you then. In fact, I even wondered if that was going to be our fateful reunion. Not once in any of your letters did you tell me when I'd finally be able to hold you, that's why I kissed you. I was trying to give you a chance to tell me it was time for there to be an us but, turns out I was wrong. Not that I am at all bitter about it. The man I was then didn't deserve you. He was cocky and arrogant and even though I'm sure you'll tell me I haven't changed, the man I was didn't know just how in love he was with you. He wasn't ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved. Plus our actual reunion was much more fun than sneaking around in those dank old catacombs. More fireworks and such. _

_But back to Rome, I've always wanted to ask, did you really think I was going to kill you? Or that I'd let those mindless goons kill you? I wouldn't have, by the way. Even though you said that you all hated me (you are a terrible liar) and called me an 'ass.' My patience around you some days impresses even me. But I wasn't going to kill you. I promise. I might have tried to kiss you again (only because I've always suspected that my abilities turn you on, something that I've since proven time and time again) but I would never kill you. _

_And now on to the hard bit. You asked me if really loved you and, I'm ashamed to say I wanted desperately to unsay those words. The look of near horror on you face when I said them, I will admit, hurt me more than I care to remember. Was the thought really so repulsive? Or were you just frightened? Actually, don't tell me, I'd rather think it was the latter than know it was the first. I did love you Helen, with all my heart. I always will. I don't ask these things to hurt you or to stir up painful memories but you won't talk to me about it so I have no choice. I understand why, I get that it's hard for you but please know it's hard for me too. Though, if you had fallen into my arms then, I think things between us would have very quickly fallen apart. Mostly because I still would have received a fist through the stomach and you'd probably have tried to bury me or something. I was 'dead' for at least a month, I think, before I fully managed to heal. And then of course I had to fight my way out of the Cabal's ranks but that's a thrilling tale for another time. _

_We always were rather glum weren't we? Aside from the flirting and you being head over heels in love with me and not knowing it thing. But the greatest loves aren't easy Helen. They start with unrequited love, progress to misunderstood affection, dabble in jealousy and heart break before finally, fireworks. You are not my Juliet, Helen, you are so much more._

_I'd say I miss you too but considering your head is in my lap (not like that) as I write this, it wouldn't quite fit but the me in your era misses you more than anything._

_He misses you too._

_With all my quite literally undying love,_

_Nikola._

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><p><strong>HE IS THE RIPPER! SCREW CANON!<strong>

**Sorry about that, inner fangirl is having trouble with that still…**

***eats lots of Sanctuary cupcakes to calm the fangirl down***


	8. Helen: 1885

**So I had this mostly written and then I realised that I sort of went overboard on the angst so I've split it over two letters. For added pain :P I know someone requested that I ease up on the angst but this was a rather terrible time in Nikola's life and I'd like to think that Helen is feeling his pain. Plus Nikola's letters are always more flirty :P 'Cause he's Nikola…**

**History time:**

**In 1885 Nikola was approached by some men to start the 'Tesla Electric Light Company' but, after creating a unique and efficient arc lamp, they pushed him out of the company with nothing but a few worthless shares. It was also around this time that Edison reneged on his promise to pay Tesla $50 000, saying to Tesla "You don't understand out American humor." Bad times, yeah?**

**As always, thanks for the reviews and let me know what you think.**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><em>Dearest Nikola,<em>

_Please accept my deepest sympathies. What was done to you was incredibly cruel and although you'll never admit it, I think it crushed your soul in a way nothing else did. Of course you are too strong to let it keep you down for long but, regardless, you have to know that I want nothing more than to be with you. Your letters to me at this time were rather frightening to behold. I must admit I did fear that you'd end up going on some kind of killing spree. And if you're still planning on that, don't. Please. I'd say I've seen the future and know that it is bright but, regardless of how true it is, it is far too corny for me to even contemplate using._

_I honestly don't know how you made it through this past year. The two blows you were dealt in such quick succession would have been enough to bring a lesser man to his knees. I can just hear the innuendo you are injecting into that statement and, while, for once, I don't have to actually hear it, I'll ask you to stop, for old times' sake. You have an inner strength that I have always marvelled at and in times to come, you will need it more than ever. Keep hold of whatever it is that makes you so tenacious and never forget that, no matter what, you will get through it. Greater things await you._

_And on the subject of American humour? That cheapskate is a liar and a thief with little respect for the massive advances you've made for him and with little understanding of the true nature of you genius. (And no, I will never, ever say that to you again.) That man betrayed you and, if I could, I'd help you plot his downfall. Well, probably not but I'd most certainly hold your hand through all of this. _

_I know that at the moment you rank the trust you placed in all these different men as your biggest regret but never regret your ability to believe in other people. You may be a genius but you cannot do everything alone. We all have regrets but that should not be one of yours. Regret the angry words you have said, regret the fights we have had but nothing more. _

_Do you remember the last fight we had before you ran away to Budapest? I was horrid to you that night but you laughed it all off as if it was some big joke that only you were in on. Naturally that only served to increase my anger tenfold. But then I kicked you out of the house, telling you to go to Budapest because no one really cared if you were here or not. Which was, of course, a lie. I cared Nikola. I cared more than I should have considered that John had all but staked his claim on me. I screamed at you for leaving because you were tearing us apart. I was certain that if you left, the rest of us would fall apart and that The Five would be no more. It hurt to think that you didn't want me as much as I wanted you. You have always been my closest friend and the thought of not seeing you every day was more than I could bear. James was my work partner, the only one of you I could stand to work with in a lab, the only one I didn't fight with. John was my lover, the man who I thought had my heart. Nigel was my brother, always there when I needed him yet slightly afraid of me in the same breath. And then there was you. It's funny really, that you and I should be so close. I mean, it makes sense considering how ostracised we were from society but it's almost a little too poetic. You and I needed the others more than they needed us. Without them, we had no way in. And then you were so determined to leave me all alone amongst those who hadn't had to fight for their place within society. I was most put out by that. It was almost like you were betraying me. _

_Of course, now I can see how misplaced my feelings were. I was simply scared to be alone. You had every right to leave us and pursue your dreams and I apologise for being so selfish about it. Unfortunately, it seems that being selfish is in my nature and for that I apologise as well._

_Reading over what I've just written, I can't help but laugh at how formal I've been. I don't mean to do it, I promise but these letters are a little daunting for me. You write to me with such eloquence and unguarded emotion and it's a little much for a girl to digest. I know my words aren't nearly as beautiful as yours but know that the sentiment is there. I'm simply too British to write the way you deserve. Though I do hope you can see that I've tried._

_I know I got a little off topic here but all I wanted to tell you is to keep your chin up and that ridiculous moustache trimmed. As master of electricity, your future isn't just bright, it's dazzling. In fact, it's positively electrifying._

_Love,_

_Helen._

_PS: Undying? Really? I do hope my future self berated you soundly for that terrible, terrible line. _


	9. Nikola: New York II

**The mood of this one sort of kept changing and I blame that solely on my Teslen playlist that decides to play Snow Patrol and then Mike Posner… Get your crap together iTunes :P **

**And there will be several additional scenes from this set of letter because I honestly cannot decide. So stay tuned :) **

**Who can guess at the Serbian? It ties in to his greeting too…**

**Thanks to my lovely little reviewers, this one's for you…**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><em>Boginja , nimfa , božanski…<em>

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><p><em>Sweet Helena,<em>

_(I am sorry about that but after the terrible line you wrote, I had to have my revenge)_

_I'm no longer ashamed to admit that, at the time, your letter was all that kept me from ripping that ignorant fool to shreds. In fact, the night I received this letter, I was just about to go out and have a 'heart to (no longer in your chest) heart' conversation with Edison but you stopped me. I did resent you briefly for that but I could never hold anything against you Helen. Now though, I am thankful that you were able to reach me in time. _

_I hate to break it to you my dear but you have (or will depending on how you look at it) called me a genius many, many more times. Generally not completely of your own volition but once or twice I didn't have to coerce the words out of you. Because I am. And you know it. And you love it. Don't even try to deny it or I'll open up the blinds to our room which, considering how much you had to drink last night, will hurt. A lot._

_And yes, last night I got you drunk. Remind me to do that again some time. Never in all my wildest dreams (and believe me, there've been many) did I expect to receive __such__ public displays of affection from you. Of course, in these last few months that prim and proper façade of yours had been proven to be just that and nothing more but nothing could have prepared me for the effect three bottles of red had on you. Now I understand why you've always been so reluctant to indulge in your cellars with me. God knows if you had we'd have gotten to this point a very long time ago. _

_But back to your rather sweet letter. I was quite taken aback by this letter when I first read it. Your words were so much sweeter than I'd ever dared imagine you'd bestow on me one day. I'd like to think it's when you realised that you didn't just miss me, you wanted me too. Of course, that is an observation I can make only now as I think back over all the others you have (or will) send me. When I decided not to go and kill the scum bag (as you referred to him last night), I lay back and imagined a world where you were with me in more than just spirit. It sounds incredibly needy and infantile now but, at the time, those thoughts were all that kept me going. Knowing that one day you would at the very least care for me deeply, maybe even love me was enough to protect me from the coolness with which your counterpart treated me. I know, on occasion I may have gone a little overboard in my flirting but I couldn't let you forget how I felt about you. I mean, I had all these beautiful letters from you that pretty much assured me of a victory but I had no idea when I'd be able to claim my prize so I had to keep you interested. Even if my lewd comments were nothing but a fragment of how I feel about you. Though I keep meaning to ask, didn't you ever wonder why I was so certain you'd fall for me?_

_To compare the two sets of letters I was receiving now makes me wonder how I ever managed to keep it all straight in my head. You (the you who reads this letter) were so gentle in your words, so supportive and positive while the other Helen, still supportive, was so distant. She spoke to me without affection and while I know you cared for me, even then, you were so guarded. Though, I will admit, pulling down your little barriers one by one has been a pleasure that I wouldn't trade for the world. Well, except maybe for a world where those barriers didn't exist and you jumped into bed with me that first time I offered, rather than waiting for, well, I suppose for you it was more than two centuries. You always were as stubborn as a mule._

_You know, until this point, I think I'd managed to suppress the memory of that particular fight. It was rather horrendous, wasn't it? And I don't think I'll revisit it here. All I'll say is that I'm sorry, deeply sorry for the things I said and the way I acted. I know I may have seemed so be cavalier about the whole thing but I wanted more than anything for you to give me a reason not to leave. And 'The Five' was never going to be enough for me. I'd sat by too long, watching you fall for someone else and, no matter what, a sense of obligation to a group who never really wanted me wasn't going to be enough. I needed you Helen. Plain and simple. I needed you to need me. But that is the past and, while you may still be in said past, that doesn't mean we should dwell on it. Or even regret it. What happened led us to where we are now and, speaking from firsthand experience, it had been worth waiting for._

_And if you're too British to express how you feel, I'll regrow that hideous moustache. You, Helen __Tesla_ **(A/N: Pretend there's a line through that last word)**_ Magnus, are afraid which is ironic because you aren't afraid of anything. Your words aren't less eloquent or more guarded, they are your own and they tell me more of how you feel than protestations of love ever would._

_And now, because you are cursing at me from the bed, I shall have to go. I'm sure I can think of a way to make your headache go away but you, good Doctor, are terrible at playing the patient. I may not have as much medical training as you but I do know of some rather stellar, if not hands on, home remedies._

_With all my love,_

_Your Nikola._

_PS: You cannot even think of begrudging me the use of 'undying' (did you see I left it out this time?) after that horrible pun. Electrifying indeed._

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><p><strong>Sorry for the stupid little AN but it wouldn't let me keep the formatting I had there...**


	10. Helen: 1886

**The angst is back kids. Mostly because Nikola is digging a ditch (yes, that's your history lesson). But, just in case that was too vague :P... In 1886/1887 Nikola Tesla was reduced to digging ditches for $2 a day. **

**Thanks to those reviewing, you all make me smile when I feel like killing people.**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><em>My dearest Nikola,<em>

_I do hope this letter reaches you. Tracking you down was very difficult this time and although I can tell you didn't want to be found, this letter is one you need to get. I know that I've just visited you and you must still be very mad at the careless things I said but please, please do not hold my words against me. I was scared Nikola, I was scared for you and I was scared of you. You needed my help but you were so painfully opposed to it. I did pity you my dear but my offer of assistance came not from pity but from a deep love for you. You have always been one of my closest friends and to see you struggling the way you are was heart breaking for me to see firsthand. _

_I know I should have told you of my engagement before that point but it wasn't something I could write in a letter. You deserved better than that, even the foolish girl that I was can recognise that fact. I treated you unfairly, expecting you to accept the news of my betrothal with a smile was unkind of me and a blow that, considering your current state of affairs I had to right to deal you. You were supposed to be my friend, my closest friend and, although I did not know of how you felt about me then, I knew you never liked the way I felt about John. I was so very insolent, demanding that you feel happy for me when I knew that you either wouldn't be or couldn't be. _

_The words my younger self says to you are words of anger and frustration. She has all these feelings buried deep within that are too terrifying to even contemplate. She is torn and broken and so afraid of how much you mean to her. You may not have been a constant in my life but it is your friendship that I miss the most. And I speak on behalf of the past and present versions of myself Nikola. _

_I know you want me to tell you that I regret everything that happened between myself and John but at the time, I truly loved him. I cannot even say that I regret falling in love with John because he gave me a gift that, in the time you and I are separated, was the light of my life. But I do regret hurting you. I regret not telling you these things when I had the chance. I regret shooting you. I regret the pain I have caused us both because I know it could have been avoided. I cannot tell you I love you Nikola because writing it would cheapen the words and I am so lonely that I cannot trust myself, but you must know that you are the only man I write to now. You are my oldest and closest friend Nikola. You mean the world to me and I know I haven't said that enough. I will take advantage of your friendship and I will abuse our relationship in ways that are inexcusable for which I beg forgiveness. _

_And now, having given you my rather longwinded and painfully drawn out apology, I want to give you some advice. Don't give up. Not ever. You are stronger than even you believe and while this point in your life may be one you'd like to erase, you must learn from it. Don't let the darkness consume you. I've already told you about the electrifying future you have in store but if you allow yourself to wallow in the despair I saw last we met, I make no promises as to what will happen. And more than that, if you don't heed my advice, I'll never forgive you because I know how this is meant to play out. If you even think about cheating me out of the future your letters are promising I'll have your head. _

_You've already said it but, I think it bears repeating that Christmas has always been our season. My favourite Christmas though, was in 1880 when you took me ice skating. I had such fun that day, I never wanted it to end. That was the first time I ever thought you might have feelings for me that, how shall I say, stretched beyond that of the friendship we already had. Of course, I dismissed such notions very quickly because, even though I tried to kiss you, you made no move to kiss me. I can't help but think if we'd maybe been a little more forthright with our emotions, this mess may have been avoided. But then again, who knows what else may have happened. _

_It isn't much of a Christmas for you, I know but my sentiment remains the same. The holidays are a time to spend with those you hold dear and while cannot be by your side, know that you are in my heart always._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Helen._

_PS: If you ever quote Shakespeare to me again, in Serbian or English, I will shoot you. It might sound like an empty threat but I think, if I tried, I'd be able to find a way to make it hurt. A lot. Also, was that 'typo' on purpose or an actual mistake? Because I can't help but feel that it constitutes too much information on the future front._


	11. Nikola: New York III

**This is me celebrating the fact that last night, I finished my last piece of assessment for the year! (Hence the out pouring of stories :P) It's also why this one got a little sappier than I'd planned. Ah well...**

**Thanks to INfamouslyCK for proofreading and to all those reviewing, you never fail to put a smile on my face :)**

**Enjoy**

**xx**

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><p><em>Jer tamničara od mom srcu...<em>

_My love,_

_I will admit, when I first received your most recent letter, I was tempted to throw it away. I thought you were lying to me, lying about the future you were promising and it nearly broke my heart. What probably didn't help my mood was the fact that it had been three whole days since I had bathed. _

_Do you remember me telling you a while ago that when I first received your letters, I wrote responses? Well, the response to your most recent is one of the few I still have and so, I figured (to allow me more time to jump back into bed and ravish you) I'd include it. Well, it is a severely edited version because, truthfully, the original version is so painfully sappy and romantic in parts that it hurts to read. _

Dearest Helen,

Please, please my darling stop hiding from me. I don't know how much more of this I can bear. These past few months have indeed been close to unbearable and, I fear the next few shall be just the same.

You are right in assuming that our last meeting nearly broke my heart. Surely you knew how I felt about you, that I loved you more than Druitt ever could. And then, to add insult to injury, you offered me your assistance, promising me money and employment and all other wonders that I never could accept. Then to hear you scream at me such words of unguarded fury... Well it was almost too much for me. I wanted nothing more than to throw these letters at you and demand that you explain how you could one day write to me with such passion when you claimed to hate me with every bone in your body.

_And we'll just skip ahead a page or so here... I do tend to babble a little it seems..._

How am I to trust your promises of a bright future Helen, when I have no idea where you are or even if you are who you claim to be? I love you Helen, I truly do but the way you write makes me think that the future you speak of does not involve you and I in the capacity that I long for.

_Oh gosh, that was depressing... Here's something that's a little more, well, happy isn't quite the word but I think, if you ever needed any more proof that you have always had my heart, this is it..._

Helen you are truly a goddess. Until I met you I knew where I was going with my life, I knew what I was doing and everything felt so very clear but then, you and your pretty blue eyes destroyed each of my carefully designed plans and for that I shall always be grateful. You are, without a shadow of doubt, one of the very best things to ever happen to me and, although it seems I will have to wait for a very long time, I yearn for a time when I can claim you as my own.

_And we'll cut it off there because most of what I wrote after that point we covered last night and while you expressed how much you enjoyed it many, many, many times, I feel it would be ungracious of me to rewrite such lewd thoughts. In truth, I only wrote them because I never expected you to read it. _

_Oh, I'd completely forgotten I'd written the next bit. It's a far sweeter than some of my other musings..._

And with that, fair Helen, I shall end my rather long letter with good tidings for Christmas and the New Year. Your letter is the best gift I could ever receive because, with it comes the promise of your affection. Should you see a clutch of mistletoe in the upcoming weeks, I urge to you avoid it like the plague. Save such kisses for me, ljubav. And on New Year's Eve when all the other couples around you are kissing, have a drink for I do not doubt there are many men out there who would wish to claim your sweet lips. If I am in your heart, then you are in my very soul, darling. You may never read this but I'd like to think that one day I'll find the courage to tell you.

_You know what? I don't think I've ever told you that. Perhaps I ought to. _

_Well, on that note, I'm going to go profess my undying love for you. Again. Stay well and save your kisses for me. _

_Yours,_

_Nikola._

_PS: Actual mistake, I swear. You're the one who had to correct it. I did ask if I should rewrite the entire page but you said it wasn't a problem. Blame yourself, darling. (And you loved it, don't try to deny it)_


	12. Helen: 1888

**Ah, those autumn leaves are just too much fun to leave alone for too long... And I swear I tried to make this less angsty but, GAH!**

**History: Nikola was working with Westinghouse and made quite a bit of money by selling stocks and such... There is more but that's all that is pertinent to this letter. I actually chose '88 for Nikola's letter more than Helen's...**

**Also, much love to my lovely yet lonesome reviewer ZaraShade. I know there are more people reading this but she's been wonderful about reviewing :) Also, I may have watched a few of her videos a few too many times before writing this one...**

**xx**

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><p><em>Nikola,<em>

_These last two years have brought many changes for you and I'd like to think that this letter will find you in a better state of mind than the last one. Westinghouse may not have the prestige of Edison but, as I'm sure you have found out, he is a much better man and will treat you with the respect you deserve._

_From what I remember, my letters to you have increased in frequency this year. I was feeling very guilty for the hurt I had caused you and, while I knew letters couldn't make up for the names I called you, the fact that your replies were as close to instantaneous as our separation would allow helped me to feel that I hadn't damaged our relationship irreparably. You are too forgiving when it comes to me Nikola. Not that I mind in the slightest but some days I'd rather you make me work for your forgiveness than my life. _

_I'm sure you remember the last time we saw each other face to face and while I am loathe to bring up such a moment in what I promised would be an upbeat letter, after reading the excepts of the letter you wrote, I feel it only fair to show you what I wrote. For the most part it is simply me attempting to alleviate the guilt I felt and, as such, I'll skip over it but there is one part I do want you to read._

I miss you Nikola. More than I ever thought I would. Please come home, come back to me before we drift further apart. I need you by my side Nikola as I take this next step down, what is, to both of us, an unknown road. If it were possible, I'd ask you to be my best man because you are my closest friend in this world. As it is, I'll ask you to give me away, to walk me down the aisle. Heaven only knows if I'll be able to find my father and I know that you care for me deeply. I cannot get married without you by my side. Come home Niko, I miss you but, more than that, I need you.

_I can see now that not giving you this letter is probably the smartest thing I ever did for, had I done so, I've no doubt that you would have hated me for a much longer time than you did. The symbolism is now painfully evident to me and, to be honest, while I am impressed by my subconscious request for you to give me up, I want more than anything to rescind those words. Don't give up on me Nikola. The fruits of such labour may take a while to become evident but one day, I promise you, it will all seem worth it._

_There is so much I want to tell you about and so many things I wish I could share with you but, alas, the future is slightly more important than instant gratification so, instead I'll settle for telling you a story. It's a rather simple story, I'll admit, but I think it's one to which you'll be able to relate to. _

_See, once upon a time, there was a brilliant man and an even more brilliant woman who both cared for the other in a way that wasn't entirely appropriate considering that one of their mutual friends had stated very clearly to the young man that he intended to court and, possibly marry the woman. Now, the brilliant young man, while being irrefutably brilliant, was also a bit dim at times. He seemed to have this knack for endangering the young woman's life and making her absolutely furious. In fact, one time, he did something so stupid and uninspired that the young woman swore to herself that she'd never talk to him again._

_It happened very soon after the two had met and become friends, back when things were far simpler than they seemed. It was a bright, sunny autumn day and, after spending the summer holidays apart, the two had plans to reunite under their favourite tree back on the university campus. The young woman, at the time, had rather strong feelings for the young man but she wasn't quite ready to admit to such feelings so she decided to pretend that she was not interested in the man. After all, she didn't have a clue that the young man felt the same way. So, in an attempt to gauge his reaction, the young woman wore a dress of the deepest, most sensual red she could buy without arousing her father's suspicion. _

_She'd been waiting for an hour under the tree when, finally, the young man came sauntering up to her with a wide grin on his face. And then, after making her wait under the blazing sun, he had the audacity to try and greet her with a kiss. Of course, the second their lips met, her body reacted without her permission and she was kissing him back but, when they both decided they need air and pulled back, she realised what he had done. Thinking he'd done it on purpose so as to ruin her reputation (because, for as close as they were as friends, she knew he had a penchant for pissing her off), she raised her hand, slapped him as hard as she could, shoved him to the ground and stalked away. _

_Of course, he chased after her, crying out through the thankfully empty corridors that he was sorry, that he shouldn't have tried anything so bold, that he had made a mistake but that only served to fuel her anger. To her, this meant he didn't want her and, after she'd made such a show of herself, her pride was screaming at her to run away. Unfortunately for her, they very soon came to a dead end and she was forced to turn around and face him. _

_He came to a breathless stop in front of her, eyes pleading with her for forgiveness because he was to out of breath to say the words. Using the nerve of steel she was well known for, the young woman held back her angry tears as she glared at him, wishing her gaze could do him physical harm. He begged her for several minutes to forgive him and, then when it became apparent she wasn't speaking to him, to say something. He said he was sorry, that he had meant nothing by it, that she deserved better than to be treated like a passing fancy. She thought for a minute he was about to confess that he loved her but, after an awkward beat, the moment passed and he moved towards her._

_Now, at the time, as strong as her dislike was for the man, there was something else within her that, when combined with this near hatred, meant that the woman was experiencing something that in all her years she'd never felt with such urgency. Years later she managed to identify the feelings as need but, in that second, all she knew is that she wanted to kiss him. She didn't, of course, but in the years that followed, sometimes she wished she had._

_Many years later when the young woman wasn't so young anymore and the young man had all but disappeared from her life, the woman decided that, should she ever get the chance again, she'd make up for her foolish behaviour and kiss the man. _

_The moral of the story? The future is yours._

_Yours,_

_Helen._

_P.S: Nikola, be reasonable. That was the mother of all teasers... You must be more careful in what you write!_


	13. Nikola: Leaving for London

**Naw, all those pretty reviews made me feel all warm and fuzzy! Thanks guys :)**

**This chapter did not even a little turn out how I planned it but I like to think the angst is nicely balanced with Nikola's return to the land of gratuitous innuendo. In fact, I kinda like it better than the original 'poor you for falling in love with the Ripper' line I had goin'...**

**Love you all a bunch! COOKIES FOR ALL!**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moje kraljice...<em>

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><p><em>Sweet Helen,<em>

_Bravo to you my dear. I am inordinately proud of the fact that not once did you mention John or what exactly I was about to step into when I got back to London. Though I must say, giving me the letter the way you did was very, very risky and you mustn't ever try something like that again. Honestly, it was only the fact that the boat was about to leave without me that stopped me from following your scent back to whichever hovel you were staying in at the time (and yes, they were all hovels, you've shown me and you really ought to find somewhere a little nicer to stay) and ravishing you. I have a feeling you probably wouldn't have complained either. _

_In reference to your story, I can't help but think you may have skimmed over some of the most important details. Namely that you looked positively scrumptious and the amount of cleavage you had on display nearly had me on my knees, begging for more than a kiss. Of course, now I've seen much, much, much more of you but still, that one moment will be forever ingrained in my memory. The number of times that dress appeared in my fantasies was, quite frankly ridiculous. In fact, it started what you fondly refer to as my 'obsession' with you wearing red. And it's not an obsession, I'm simply partial to seeing that flush in your cheeks that always accompanies my "painfully obvious ogling" of your rather fine assets (yes, that is a direct quote) and, as you will learn very soon, seeing you in that beautiful shade of red is always followed by such ogling. Not that you don't look beautiful in everything you wear. And you know how beautiful I think you are when you're out of everything too. But I'm getting off topic..._

_My point was that, aside from your irresistibility on the day in question, there were a few other facts that you seem to have forgotten. Namely that the young man in question was late only because he'd spent an hour outside a jewellery shop contemplating whether or not to buy the pretty little engagement ring he saw in the window even though he knew it would be absolutely filthy and it would have meant he didn't eat for a year. You also forgot to mention that the young man, when he arrived under said tree, __ran__ to meet the young woman. There was no sauntering involved. Plus he was only grinning because of the dress and I've already rambled on about the sweet, sweet torture that was that dress. _

_Oh, and I believe you missed out the part where, in his great rambling speech the man may or may not have actually used the 'L' word. Of course, he covered it up nicely by speaking even faster but I have it on fantastic authority that he did in fact say it. _

_There was only one other problem I had with your little story, Helen. I'm not sure if you realised it at the time but you didn't quite succeed in holding back your tears. From memory, there was in fact one, single and undoubtedly traitorous tear that escaped. You have no idea how much that tear hurt me. To think that I'd actually caused you such pain was even more torturous than the dress. I decided at that point that I never wanted hurt you again and, I'm ashamed to say that I failed spectacularly at that. But, between where you are and where I am, I have made that oath again and in front of several witnesses and this time, I am doing my very best to do nothing that could cause you harm. Unless you ask to be for it of course. Because a little light bondage never hurt anyone. _

_Now, you've told your story, I believe I owe you a story in return. This one is a little more modern than the tragic fairytale you told me and sadly, the only scarlet in this was a young man's blood and the lips of a rather bodacious, backstabbing, blood sucking bitch (if you'll pardon my French). _

_So, remember that time we met the Queen of the Vampires?_

_Let me just start by saying that you were right. She was evil, she was manipulative and she was not to be trusted. Can we not bring that up again? Well, I know you will at some stage but, for the next little while can we pretend that I didn't fall for her 'look at my chest and not into my soulless eyes' routine? _

_In my not so humble opinion, there were only three good things that came out of that escapade. Firstly, the re-vamping. Did I ever thank you for that? I really ought to. Perhaps tonight I'll show you just how grateful I am (and yes, that means exactly what you think it means), I know how much you love my fangs, darling. But, in all seriousness, thank you. I know it sounds cliché but it feels as if, in that moment, you gave me my life back. Until that point I was terrified that I'd simply fade into old age and you'd eventually forget me. Seeing first hand just how desperate you were to keep me by your side is another of those moments that shall be forever ingrained in my memory. Although, with all the lovely memories that we keep creating I feel that eventually, something is going to have to go._

_Again, I've gotten off topic. It's all your fault my dear. After all, you are my favourite distraction. But, yes, the second good thing. Killing Afina. I know it sounds silly and immature but, as I will one day tell you, I sort of like being the last of my kind. Far more prestigious than being forced to bow to little miss S&M. Really, that much leather is only suitable for one place and even then it's over done and tacky. As you've taught me, there are many, many, many more interesting things to play with... And again, that means exactly what you think it does my love. _

_The third positive of our near death experience was the fact that it was __our__ near death experience. Travelling and exploring with you is a buzz that, at the time, I hadn't experience in quite a while. You always have that air of adventure around you, my sweet and it is positively contagious. Being with you again after so long was fantastic (even though we almost died) and it reminded me of why I ought to treat you better. I know our little pest extermination hadn't been that long previous but there's something to be said for voluntarily walking into danger as opposed to being strung up by icky beasties. _

_Oh, and I've just thought of a forth positive! Your jealousy! How on earth did I forget that? That was when I figured out you loved me too. By then I was starting to wonder when this whole letter escapade would take place and had all but written off my chances of loving you in this century. But then when you got all hot and bothered at my (flippant) offer to restart the vampire race, I figured my chances were getting better. Did you honestly think I'd want her as my Queen? How could you ever think that she'd be my ideal mate? Well, I suppose I did do a rather good job of sucking up to her but you have to know that you are the only immortal I want by my side. You are, and always have been my Queen Helen. Queen of the Abnormals and Queen of my heart._

_See, it wasn't such a bad trip was it? Plus, anything that gets you and I so filthy that we require long, hot showers (even if you did turn down my offer to join you) can't be half bad. Well, you weren't exactly complaining last night and we weren't filthy by that point..._

_And now, before I completely lose my mind and describe every intimate detail of our lives, I'll say good bye for now and remind you to stop wearing red until we meet again. And I will know if you do. AND there will be consequences. You don't like me when I'm sulky, do you?_

_Your not so humble servant,_

_Nikola_

_PS: All in good time my love. And, if you'd like, tonight I can apologise again and again and again and again and again for leading you on for all these years. And then again just because it's fun._


	14. Helen: 1891

__**After seeing Ice Breaker and watching the piece of Resistance I missed, I'm on a bit of a writing rampage so, even though this has been carefully edited no less than three times, there is still a strong possibility that there are plenty of mistakes... So I apologise in advance...**

**History time! In June of 1891 Nikola Tesla became an American citizen! Hooray him! (O.K, so I'm sorry for the exclamation points, blame the vodka not me) And, interesting side note, even though it's not pertinent to the story, later in this particular year, Tesla may have discovered electrons! Well, according to the website I use anyway... I think that's pretty cool...**

**Anyway, I'll shut up now...**

**xx**

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><p><em>Nikola,<em>

_Congratulations on your citizenship! You probably don't know but I was at the ceremony, sitting in the back row grinning like the fool I am. That's the second time in as many letters that I've risked far too much for far too little (yes, I know you know about that day at the harbour). I know I shall one day regret writing this but you're just too tempting some days. Timeline or no, I need to see you every now and then, if only to keep my spirits up. Soon enough these letters will end up further and further apart which means your responses will follow suit and the thought saddens me. Perhaps I will have to settle for all but stalking you. But then again, I don't think I'm quite that desperate yet..._

_But, back to the topic at hand, your new found Americanism. I remember when it was first announced that you'd been granted such and 'honour', I was faintly disappointed. After all the time you'd spent in England I'd just assumed that if you were to become a citizen of anywhere other than your not so beloved homeland, it would be in Great Britain. Of course, you never were quite proper enough to mix with the most elite of circles. Then again, neither was I. _

_America probably suits you better than England ever could. Conventions have always gotten in your way, haven't they? Some days I wonder who was more upset at the fact that I was unable to study at Oxford, you or I. I have fond memories of some of the more impassioned speeches you gave in defence of my right to education, even if the majority were only ever delivered to me. There was a time when all I had to do was admit to how it frustrated me and then you'd launch into what I used to suspect were prepared speeches. I think a few of your comments on women and the mental capacity of women are now (or will be, depending on how you look at it) rather popular quotes too. It's just one of the many reasons I'm so very proud of you Nikola. Not many men had the backbone to be quite as daring as you were. Hell, as daring as you are today. Even though half the time that 'daring' becomes 'life-endangering'._

_By now your accent is starting to fade and while you may prefer it, I have to tell you that after all these years I am starting to miss it. There was just something so exotic about your inability to pronounce words with the same elocution of our friends. I know you'll probably hate me for bringing this up but that day when you came to me and asked me to teach you to speak 'breetesh' was possibly one of the most bewildering moment of my life. I haven't a clue why you thought it necessary but your struggle to overcome your thick accent makes me laugh just thinking about it. Please don't tell me it was for my benefit Nikola. After all, I'm sure you never knew it but I always found you accent quite alluring, distractingly so at times._

_The look of utter desperation on your face would have been comical if I hadn't thought you were so close to tears. After all these years I still can't figure out why you suddenly thought it was so important that you learn to cover up your accent further than you were already doing. I know coming to me must have been a last resort for you, the others all believed in the unflappable façade you put on so they clearly weren't going to be an option but I'm not sure why you thought I'd be any different. Personally I was shocked when you came to me with such a request, you always seemed so comfortable and at home with who you were that I never suspected that you disliked your accent. That and I had a rather large soft spot for it, as I already said. _

_Looking back, I am rather proud of myself for reacting so politely. Though I think I did stutter a little when it came to explaining exactly why you needn't be ashamed of the way you spoke. Admitting to you that it sent shivers down my spine was most certainly not an option so blabbering away about pride and patriotism seemed like my best choice. _

_You know, it's funny but, until I met you, I'd never thought much about accents. Sure my father had many friends from many places but you one of the first people I ever met with whom I couldn't converse in their native tongue. I think that was because the majority of people I knew were from continental Europe and thus I needed maybe two or three languages other than English. And then you came along and while you could converse with me in every language I knew, I was always curious as to what you said when you began ranting in Serbian. Which, of course, is why I spent all those months learning it in secret. I'm not ashamed to say that I wanted to impress you, that's why I didn't ask for your help even though I know you would have made a brilliant tutor. I did wonder if it might not be more interesting to have you teach me but the look of complete and utter shock on your face when I called you on your abominable language choices in relation to John's hair style more than made up for the hours I could have spent holed away with you (and no, I shan't be telling you how I learnt those particular words)._

_The pure joy in your eyes when you asked to be allowed to compare my hair to that of John's 'greasy, morose and unhygienic' locks is one of the few times that I felt I really got to see you for who you were. I think there have been few times when I've seen you happier than in that moment. Perhaps when you realised what the blood had given you. Actually, I can think of a moment that's yet to happen for you that probably rivals it. You actually mentioned it in your last letter (if that doesn't give it away I don't know what will)._

_Either way, I promise that one day I will endeavour to do whatever I can to make you happier than both of those moments combined. I'm not sure how I'll manage it but I've got a long while to figure it out and, as we both know, I'm very resourceful. _

_Before I sign off for the moment, I just wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me in the past few years. Being by my side when the truth about John came out must have been hard on you but, if it wasn't for the fact that you were there to hold my hand as I told the others meant more to me than you can imagine. You were so strong and kept your 'I told you he was crazy' jibes to a minimum and for that I am eternally grateful. You did more to lift my spirits in that time then James and Nigel could do in the next few years. I know I seemed cold and ungrateful but that was only because I was terrified that you'd up and leave me without a word as you did all those years ago. You were so kind and gentle with me even after the way I'd treated you and, while it did frighten me at the time, now I long to see you again so I can properly thank you for all the things you have done for me._

_You are a good man Nikola, one of the best I've ever had the pleasure to know. Even if you are a little bit evil around the edges... Though it does add to your attraction._

_Love, _

_Your Helen._

_PS: You do know that your last letter was a bit much, yes? I mean, the only benefit of this enforced separation had been the fact that I had been spared the ridiculous levels of innuendo with which you lace every word. Had being the operative word there. But, on behalf of my future self, I'll ask you to apologise tonight rather than in your next letter._

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><p><strong><em><em>****O.K, so, I just feel I need to rant a little and I don't think this will make sense to most people but it will for some... There is an ep of Sanctuary called Chimera coming up AND Nikola is in it! This just sends me into AT-fangirl-squee-ige! I know, random overshare... Sorry...**


	15. Nikola: Accents

**So we are just past the halfway point for this story in terms of the letters. Naturally there will be an epilogue plus an extra letter because I had a rather brill (yeah, I did that) idea whilst showering and thinking about Resistance (as you do)...**

**Also, as much as I love my pretty little reviewers, I love signed reviews even more because then I can reply to you! But I love you either way... Pinky swear!**

**Enjoy!**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moja srodna dusa...<em>

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><p><em>Darling Helen,<em>

_For someone in charge of the global Sanctuary network, you are painfully reckless at times. You should be thankful that I did not see you at the ceremony because, unlike when I was hurrying to the boat, I would have had no qualms running after you, pining you to the wall and ravishing you thoroughly. In fact, I'd be much obliged if you'd not risk the time line in such a way again._

_Alright, I take that back. But only because you just hit me and spent a good ten minutes calling me the most selfish man you've ever met. I still maintain that it's not selfish because I am in fact ensuring that the future you seem to be enjoying eventuates!_

_Oh God woman! Stop hitting me for heaven's sake or I'll have to give up on writing this letter and go punish you properly for such actions. _

_O.K, now that one really hurt! Kiss it better? _

_So, under penalty of death, I'm to stop this one sided conversations now. Not that you could or would kill me but I'm sure you'd have far too much fun trying. Though I have to wonder how you are remembering exactly what I wrote to you... am writing to you... either way, do you still have the letters somewhere? I can't imagine the paper lasting nearly that long but you are, as your last letter said, very resourceful, even if your memory is rubbish._

_OW!_

_I guess reading over my shoulder works too. You devious little thing..._

_But, as I was planning on saying before you began assaulting me, I know this isn't easy on you. Hell it wasn't easy on me but you have to try and stay away, for my benefit as much as your own. I know I'm irresistible and all that but if past me gets so much as a whiff of your perfume one more time, I'm fairly certain he won't be able to be held accountable for his actions. I can almost guarantee that, as you sit reading this letter, I'm thinking of you in the least gentlemanly of ways. Of course, now it's your dark, luscious locks that get me riled up but, back then the feathery lightness of your blonde curls always gave me pause. The giant mess you used to pile them in wasn't exactly attractive but, you remember that night we spent in your chambers, discussing the blood and whether or not we should go through with the experiment? Well, that was the night I fell for your ringlets. I distinctly remember you, in your disappointingly thick dressing gown swanning past me to stoke the fire, you hair tickling my cheek as you did so. Back then I thought you some kind of angel, blonde hair cascading down your back, blue eyes wide with wonder as you curled up on the sofa, pulling tight the white silk your wore. _

_For a woman nearing thirty you were surprisingly endearing. How I resisted the urge to lean over and kiss you, I'll never know. Kissable lips and all that. But my point is, that as irresistible as I might be, you are even more so and tempting me will not end well for either of us._

_In terms of my 'Americanism', as you so kindly put it, did you really expect anything else? I knew early on that my future in terms of a career lay not in dreary old England but in what turned out to be equally dreary America. Plus I sort of wanted to spite you. I mean, you were all so positively British to the core and, try as I might, I never managed to fit in in that respect (and yes, thank you __so__ much for pointing out how desperately I tried, love, because I really needed a reminder of that)._

_You know, it's probably a good thing that I didn't find out about your attraction to my accent until after I'd managed to rid myself of it. Otherwise I'm sure I'd have spent every waking moment attempting to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. As it was, I think the next time we saw each other I laid it on as thick as I possibly could, just to see if I could sway your resolve and make you fall into my arms. I was mildly successful too, if memory serves. One night, over a very late dinner when James was already sozzled beyond all recognition, I leaned in and whispered in your ear something about dancing in Serbian. I was rather impressed when a shiver ran through you, rendering you paralysed for just long enough for me to kiss that spot just below your ear. And yes, I do remember the fact that you slapped me, don't worry. But still, I won._

_I'd ask you to promise never to bring up my attempt to learn 'proper English' (because 'breetesh' is appalling spelling my dear) but I doubt it would be effective. Instead I'll ask very, very nicely and promise to give you anything you want in return for eternal silence. How does that sound? _

_Now, onto more pressing matters. __Your__ accent. As heady as you found my guttural pronunciation, that clipped way in which you still speak sends shivers up my spine. You sound so regal, so elegant, so refined. Of course, what I love even more than hearing you chastise me with that perfect elocution is hearing those sharp sounds descend into nothing more than half formed word and husky moans. _

_OW! STOP HITTING ME! _

_You're in a terribly violent mood this morning, love. I know I'm partially to blame but still, let me make my guttery proclamations of adoration and then we can settle our difference the only way we know how._

_So yes, your accent. I remember clearly the first time I heard you speak, it was long before we were introduced properly but it has always stuck with me. You were scolding your father for something, I haven't a clue which but your tone was so sweet yet chiding that I couldn't help but laugh. You berated him thoughtless to those who might hear you but your father, clearly better at indulging you than I have ever been simply stood there smiling amiably. The first word that came to mind when I heard you was shrewish. Then I turned and saw you and the thought promptly disappeared, replaced by a rather persistent daze, instigated by your beauty. Unfortunately I cannot tell you the next word I associated with you because sadly I am still suffering the same daze that sent me into a head spin all those years ago. _

_(Too much? Possibly, but after the last few letters, I figured I should be as romantic as possible to make up for the 'ridiculous innuendo' I know that deep down you are so fond of.)_

_Do you know, the only thing I have ever found more attractive than your accent is when you and your accent attempted to speak Serbian. You butchered the language (have no fear, you improved with time) but never before had such simple words sounded so sweet to me. Sure I was a little disappointed that you hadn't asked me to teach you but the surprise was almost worth giving up such an opportunity. I really wish you had allowed me to test your hair though. That would have been the only thing that could have brightened my night at that point. _

_Thinking about it now, I really think you should speak to me in Serbian more often. I'd say it was a turn on but I think I'd then risk getting hit again. Instead I'll settle for telling you that it is incredibly sexy and, if you'd done so more often in the past, I doubt we'd have been able to wait as long as we did for this relationship. I, for one, would have been far more insistent. _

_I must say Helen, that last paragraph made me smile when I first read it and, even now it warms my heart. I truly had no idea that my presence meant so much to you when John was first exposed. You always seemed to strong and brave, even when being faced with such a cruel reality. In fact, I liked to pretend that you needed my support, that you needed to hold my hand. I liked to pretend that I could take away some of the sadness that lingered around your eyes. I thought nothing of your cold attitude, after all you Brits all deal with tragedy and heartbreak in a very similar way, not to say I didn't try and raise your spirits but I never once thought you ungrateful. My place was by your side and, although we hadn't said vows to affirm as such at that point, I'd always thought it to be the case._

_If I am evil only around the edges my dear, then we are perfect for each other. You are sweet and kind and all things good but, deep down, you have a wicked streak. One that I love, mind you._

_Forever yours (and don't you forget it),_

_Nikola_

_PS: My last letter was entirely too much and that was the point. You need my innuendo love, for it feeds your own._


	16. Helen: 1895

**Sorry I've been so absent these past few days :( To make up for it, I kinda powered through this one so it might be a little rough around the edges... And I took a page out of ZaraShade's book with the Chimera shout out :P Because she can't make me cookies, I take that as payment XD**

**It's sentimental but I felt it needed to be done at some point. There's less humour in this one (yes, that's your warning :P) but I tried to keep it as light as I could considering the content.**

**And I know nothing of guns so just, you know, pretend? Also, yes, I did make up 'the words' but they will be used in the additional scene to this pair...**

**History time! In 1895 Nikola Tesla's lab was burnt down and he lost all of his inventions and works. He was quoted saying that he had nothing to say, that he was too grief stricken to comment. He worked temporarily out of one of Edison's labs but soon found his own, still in New York.**

**Thank you to all the reviewers, you all make me smile like a crazy person :D**

**xx**

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><p><em>Dearest Nikola,<em>

_This past week for you is no doubt one of the most disheartening weeks you have suffered in recent years but try not to be so down. You always used to say that material possessions held no meaning for you and, while I've always thought that that was a load of rubbish, I hope that you can draw on that sentiment (or lack there of) for the next few weeks. I know all your inventions and ideas are stored in your head and I know that doesn't make it any easier to recreate the notes or the clever little pieces you'd created but things will (as always) get better for you. Find somewhere temporary while you look for a more permanent solution. One will present itself._

_And now that the pep talk is out of the way (because you are far too strong to let something like this bring you down for longer than the week you've already been sulking), I'll move onto something all together more cheerful. These past four years I've been thinking very hard about how I could get your mind off this minor setback (get your mind out of the gutter Nikola, you know I'd never send you what you're undoubtedly thinking of) and instead of another little pep talk, I want to tell you about someone you will only get to meet briefly and under the most uncomfortable of circumstances. I am aware that this could be a rather large mistake but considering the lack of surprise you always showed when it came my family and my work, I think that this won't hurt us too much. And, to be honest, if it does, I don't really care. The fact that you never got to properly meet my daughter is something that has always saddened me so today I shall tell you of her. I know I'll never be able to talk to you as freely as I might like so this letter will have to suffice, even though I know it will never be able to do her justice._

_Now, where to begin? Ashley Patricia Magnus was a beautiful young girl who was born many years from now. She was strong and independent and stubborn as anything (don't you say it, I know what you're thinking and trust me, I see the resemblance). She was blonde like me although I think it suited her better. She was feisty and had a quick tongue that could rival yours. Her sense of humour was dry and she always took pleasure in seeing how riled up she could get her 'stuffy old Mom'. Her favourite flavour of ice cream was chocolate until she turned 13 and then, for a reason I've never been able to decipher, it became that strange rainbow mixture that really has no flavour but just great big swirls of blue and pink through it. Nasty stuff but for a very long time I could buy nothing else. To this day I always have a tub of it in the freezer._

_She preferred summer to winter and my old semi automatic to the more modern pieces we kept in stock. Not that she'd ever admit to it, of course but I know it was always her preferred practice weapon. Though, for her eighteenth birthday I bought her a gun (can you believe I'm the same person you met at Oxford all those years ago? A weapon for a birthday present, really...) and it very quickly became her firearm of choice. Excluding, that is, any of the 'gadgets' Henry used to cook up for her to play with. She was so intelligent that some days it made my head hurt but she always preferred to use her genius for destruction. Something tells me you two would have been a force to be reckoned with though she probably would have made a good go at 'kicking your ass'. And I think that would definitely be one fight I'd not be placing a wager on. _

_Ashley was a brave soldier, always willing to follow orders but, like me, she was never very good at sticking to protocols or playing by the rules. She was... magnificent. I think I'm running out of adjectives but I did warn you that this letter wouldn't be able to do her justice. _

_Ashley was and always will be the love of my life._

_And, now, I feel it only fair that, after having shared a few of our stories with her (heavily disguised as 'fairytales' of course), you ought to hear a few of hers. After all, you and your antics (Vienna in springtime was always a favourite and no, not __that__ part of the trip) provided many hours of entertainment on rainy days. _

_While there are many thrilling tales I could regale you with, I have spent the past four years whittling down the selection and finally, I've found one I think you'll like._

_One day we were out hunting what we thought was going to be a relatively harmless little creature and everything was going well until Ashley decided to follow what she thought was the creature scurrying down another alley way (because yes, my work still does take me to those kinds of places, much to your displeasure I'm sure). I called after her but, as per usual she ignored me, charging off in search of her latest conquest. Shaking my head, I followed her slowly, creeping along in the shadows, just in case but, by the time I reached the dead end, it appeared that she'd vanished into thin air. _

_We spent hours combing every corner of the damn place to no avail, she and the 'beastie' were nowhere to be found. It took us a week to realise that the abnormal had actually created a nest under the buildings and taken Ashley down into its handmade catacombs with it. I distinctly remember that, at the time, I seriously considered trying to find you. You always were the best at finding hide-outs and such but, for some silly reason I fought the notion. In retrospect I think it was probably a wise decision but, by that point I'd begun to miss you again. See, for a very long time I'd managed to convince myself that, as much as I missed you, our separating was for the best. I'm still not entirely convinced it was true but I'd like to think it made our reunion sweeter, if not a little bloodier than I'd intended. Though I suppose, that's what you get when you leave these kinds of things up to Nikola Tesla._

_But, as I was saying, it took us a week to find her and, by that time I was terrified beyond belief. She was so weak and so sick but, ever the fighter, she'd managed to survive somehow. I remember sitting on the edge of her bed in the infirmary, trying to chastise her but all the came out were muddled statements of love and adoration for her. She scoffed and rolled her eyes and told me (and I quote) "Don't worry about me so much Mom, I'll always come back to you."_

_I swear, hearing those words, the very words you had once spoken to me, my heart began to beat double time. I think it was in that moment that I decided that my daughter was and always would be too much for me to handle some days but also that it was most certainly possible to love and hate someone at the same time. You and Ashley are just too alike sometimes. I spent a good long while not thinking about that fact but now, looking at it with the added perspective of the past few years, it's painfully obvious. I think it may have had something to do with the fact that you and I were so much alike too. James told me once that if you, Ashley and I were to come to blows, the world would most certainly end in a fiery ball made in equal parts of love and hate. Perhaps she was why our separation was so much easier to bear? Maybe it was because there was so much of you in Ashley that it made the pain of missing you lesser? _

_And there you have it, my daughter in what is barely a shadow of the young woman she was. I could have written book about her for you, I could have told you of every award she won, every bump and bruise she received, even every fight she ever started but we have time for all that. Just don't let me clam up Nikola. Because we both know I will. You deserve to know about my daughter, to know her properly because this is nothing. This has just scratched the surface. Ashley is the one thing I am most proud of in my life and she deserves more than this._

_I miss you almost as much as I miss her._

_Love,_

_Helen_

_PS: Shave off the moustache, you'll look 'hot' without it. _


	17. Nikola: The Discarded Letter

**Before you read this I ask that pretty please with Teslen on top that you go read the additional scene first. It is called 'Crumpled' and it works better (to me anyway) when read that way. Honestly it could go either way but, well, I'm pedantic like that...**

**Thank you for the glowing reviews, the really inspire me to keep going. And I apologise for this one taking so long to write... It wasn't my intention to keep y'all waiting like that...**

**Oh, and partially written to 'Breathe in, Breathe Out' by Mat Kearny. Not sure why though... And I stole a line from Private Practice but only because it made my heart melt when they used it and... well... Nikola...**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moje slatko...<em>

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><p><em>My dearest Helen,<em>

_Sometimes it startles me to see how very well you know yourself. You were right, of course, you did clam up when I tried to ask about Ashley. I think we had the worst fight of our relationship over it. You said it was the past, that it didn't matter but I think we both knew you were wrong. Ashley is as much a part of you as those boiled sweets you love so much. She is part of your very soul, my dear and, being the one and only guardian of said soul, I needed to know her the way you did. And you're right, your letter didn't do her justice. The fire in your eyes as you speak of her told me that. She is and always will be your daughter and I am so proud of you for raising such a beautiful, strong and intelligent young woman. Her time may have been short lived but I think, in that life she accomplished more than most could in three. _

_I remember when I first got your letter, pouring over the sorrow in your words, trying to figure out why you were breaking my heart and it was something I only pieced together after I first met Ashley, if you can even call it that. Of all the things that make me wish I'd spent at least some of my sixty years by your side, it is probably the want to truly know your beautiful Ashley that is the strongest desire. _

_Once I finally got you to speak of her, I'm not ashamed to say that I fell head over heels for your daughter. Though I only met her briefly, what little I knew of her corresponds so beautifully to what you've told me that I feel as though I've lost her too. I don't say this to cheapen what you had or how you feel because I understand that it is something I can never truly understand but I feel that the Cabal cheated me of knowing a truly remarkable human being. _

_After hearing you write and speak with such passion of Ashley, I'm not sure what I can say that will even come close to the way in which you bared your soul to me but, nonetheless, I shall try._

_What I am about to write is hard for me to think of let alone voice and, as you felt about Ashley, it is something that I will probably never talk with you about. Children. You see, I've always wanted children, as much as you may have thought the opposite. Well, that's not technically true. I never wanted children until I met you. I know it's silly and painfully clichéd but it's true. Seeing how gentle and caring you were always made me think we'd be good at the whole family thing. You were everything I was not, sweet and soft, kind and compassionate, in short, everything that a child needs in their life. _

_Sometimes I wonder if my life and my feelings towards child-rearing would have been different had my parents been more... kind is probably not the right word to use here because I know they did what they could but it is the closest thing I can think of. In truth, I think my upbringing would have been gentler if Dane had not died in the manner that he did. I barely remember him, only snippets here and there but one thing I do remember with startling clarity was the deep grief that took hold of my parents after his passing. That kind of bone deep sorrow was like nothing else I'd ever seen and, until Ashley, I never saw it again. It's how I knew they truly loved him though there was a period where I thought they'd rather it have been me than him. I know it's a silly thought but after his death they would barely look at me. I can see now that that had more to do with the remarkable similarities between him and myself but at the time I would have sworn that they didn't love me. _

_If I am to be honest with you (which I probably should, you know, vows and all that), this was the reason I once vowed never to have children. I didn't think I'd be capable of loving them for I'd never known such love. Of course, once you entered the picture, child rearing took on a whole new meaning. I figured the loving nature which I lack was one that you were able to provide in spades. I wonder, if I had told you this back at Oxford, told you how I longed to start an extraordinary life with you, do you think it would have changed much? Would you have fallen for me as I had so often dreamed? Probably not. You'd probably have laughed at me, brushing it off as another of my jokes. Not that I blame you, of course. I was rather snippy back then. _

_Oh, right, the point of this ramble. Well, I think, all it boils down to is that I'm sad. Deeply sad because you and I shall never have a child of our own. Never will I get to see you swell with our baby and while I cannot even think to blame you for our misfortune, it does make me wish I'd been bolder in our youth, more willing to tell you how I felt. But, considering the happiness having you by my side gives me, I have no right to complain of lost chances. There was a time when I thought I'd never be able to have you, let alone anything else but while my heart is constantly singing nowadays, I can't help but wonder at the possibilities. _

_I think we'd have been good at the family thing. We've always worked well together, bickering yes but there was just that element between us that meant we knew what to do, we knew how to act and what to say. It was and is like nothing else I've ever experienced. You and I truly could have conquered the world and after that? Well kids would have just been the next natural step. I wish I'd seen you with Ashley when she was younger, I think you would have been magnificent. That iron fist of yours has always been wielded with such tenderness and care, something that I've always thought children needed. Sometimes, back at Oxford I used to think you liked to mother us all a little too much. You really were our leader in so many ways and I think that's what drove you to be a little over protective at times. _

_Do you remember the first time I got shot? You fussed over me for a good week, restricting me to bed as you brought me soup and medicines, carefully noting down every detail of my speedy recovery. I know I complained bitterly but I don't suppose you remember that I followed your orders, staying in bed and all. It was tedious and boring when you were out but seeing you in such a domestic way is one of those memories I shall always hold dear._

_That's when I knew you needed to be a mother. You needed to have children, lots of tiny tots running around and getting underfoot. Obviously it was going to have to wait until you'd conquered the medical profession and discovered all there was to discover but you had to have children one day, I was sure of it. _

_I remember the day James first told me you were pregnant. I'm not ashamed to admit I was a little furious. Overjoyed at the thought of you having a tiny human being to call your own but livid that it wasn't going to be my little human being as well. Until then the idea of children with you, while appealing had been a peripheral thing for me, something to be dreamed of but shunted aside for a later day. We were supposed to have an eternity after all. But the thought of you swelling with a child born of the relationship that tore your heart to shreds... Well, I certainly understood when you decided to freeze the embryo. Not only was John too dangerous but you needed time to heal. Though it didn't stop me from hating you a little bit. You were supposed to have my children. You were supposed to come to me with the glorious news that you were expecting. You were supposed to scream and rant at me as we brought a new human in the world. And what an extraordinary human being it would have been. With your looks, naturally but a mixture of our personalities. Perhaps a touch of my arrogance with a dash of you patience, my brains and your perseverance but __our__ determination. God, I would have loved that child more than you'd ever believe. I know for a long time you thought me incapable of such emotion but it's true Helen. I would have loved our child with my entire being and, had I had the chance, I would have loved Ashley as my own._

_You know what, I don't think I shall send you this letter. As much as I promised openness and honesty, I feel that this letter could doo more harm than good. You mustn't ever be allowed to think for even one second that I blame you for any of this, that I wish for a younger version of you who might be able to bear a child. I love you Helen, all of you and I wouldn't change you for the world. The things you've been through, the tragedies and triumphs that have shaped who you are have only added to your beauty over time. I love you Helen and you can't for a moment think that I'd trade what we have for anything. _

_Why I'm continuing with this I don't quite understand. I'll write you a cheerful letter, telling you of how sweet a child Ashley would have been, of the similarities I see between you and the girl of which you speak so passionately. There is a light in your eyes as you do so that makes my heart sing and ache for you simultaneously. _

_I probably ought to stop wasting paper now but I simply cannot leave this unfinished... You know how I am. So I'll simply sign off with this. Helen, you are everything good and pure in my life. From the moment I met you I knew I was going to have to be a different man. You are everything I never knew I needed and the fact that I get to wake up next to you every morning for the next hundred or so years makes me want to weep with joy and shout from the roof tops that I am the luckiest man alive. For you I would do anything, I will tolerate the children, I will not blow things up, I will be a good man. For you. _

_I love you._

_From your overly sentimental and surprisingly sappy vampire who will quite literally love you forever,_

_Nikola._

_PS: Oh, and you can stop telling me things will get better for me, I already knew they would, my love. I knew I was going to get you. See, I told you I was sappy... But why on earth am I still writing this? Look what you've done to me woman... Oh wait, you won't... WHY AM I STILL WRITING?_


	18. Helen: 1897

**Bit short, I know but it's the second version because the first was wildly flirty (not that I'm against Teslen fluff) and out of character so I sort of feel like I've kinda taken everything I can from this one... I'm a bit disappointed with it though. Anywho, I'll stop being so dull and say thank you to those reviewing, you've made me smile lots and lots and lots.**

**History? Well, all you really need to know is that Tesla made a few rather important and impressive speeches this year. Helen is refering to his first major lecture of the year on the 12th of January in Buffalo called "On Electricity" (I am starting to think they didn't make up our Nikola's inability to name things).**

**xx**

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><p><em>Nikola,<em>

_Your speech this afternoon was magnificent. You always did understand theatrics better than you ever let on. I will admit much of the science was a little beyond me but the passion with which you delivered your lecture was inspiring, I don't believe I've seen you that animated in a very long time. It reminded me of that time Nigel and I decided to argue against you in one of our traditionally explosive debates. When I finally conceded and sided with you, you spent a good half hour making your point but I didn't dare complain for the fire in your eyes was rather mesmerising. _

_Though next time you present such a lecture, may I suggest you wear the green suit instead of the brown, it makes you look far more regal._

_I know I can't say much about your last letter lest I disrupt our timeline but I cannot let it go unanswered. I'm sure my future self has berated that certain thing you tried to do but may I just say that never before have I missed you as ferociously as I do now. There is a long list of things I yearn to say to you and while I cannot do it here, I swear to you that I will one day, I only ask that in the mean time you not lose faith. Our letters are coming to an end and while I'd love to extend them, I know that I cannot. There will be a great period of time when I cannot contact you and you cannot contact me and, in that time I only ask that you remember me, this version of me. One day I will explain all this to you in as much detail as I can manage but until then I ask you to bear with me, know that this is just as hard for you as it is for me. _

_And now that I've got my obligatory melancholy pleas out of the way, I've got, as usual, a story to tell only this time it's one you don't know. Well, you did know it though I couldn't for the life of me remember telling it to you about it so I'm left to assume I told you. Heaven's, after all these years you'd have thought I'd have gotten my head around the idea of three different versions of the pair of us but still it confounds me._

_Right, so, it was Spring of '83. You were off, gallivanting around St. Louis while the rest of us had to read about your adventures from 'dreary old' England. On one of the not so dreary days James took me to Hyde Park and we had a picnic. It was a rather splendid day, sun shining and all that but that morning I'd received a letter from you. You were so thrilled at the work you were doing, your joy shone through in your words but at the end, where you'd usually make some comment about how much you missed me, or how much you wished I'd come for a visit, you merely wrote, 'With love, Nikola.'. _

_I know it was petty of me to feel upset at those words, after all you were writing to me which was a gift in itself but for some reason, the thought that you didn't want me by your side, didn't need me was a little disheartening. I never said anything though I have a feeling James knew which was why, the entire day, he tried to make me laugh as much as he could. He succeeded too, ending up looking like a complete fool in front of the other people wandering through the park but I barely thought about you the whole day. It wasn't until we were lying on the picnic mat, staring up at the sky and a pigeon flew by and... (well, I believe defecated would be the right word) on James that I thought of you once more. _

_You would have loved the look of complete outrage on his face, he was practically foaming at the mouth as he glared down at his soiled waistcoat. I, of course, was laughing so hard I was almost crying which he found to be infuriating but I couldn't help it. In some strange way it made it feel like you were having your say, telling James to stop distracting me from mooning over your absence. Of course, that made me even more determined to put you from my mind but I did it with a far happier heart. _

_James complained bitterly and agreed in my assessment of the situation. Somehow, some way we were both certain you'd taken it upon yourself to ruin our lovely day. Though he did say, with the way I'd been laughing at his misfortune, that he believed me to be your willing accomplice in the demise of his very fine waistcoat. He even went so far as to say you and I deserved each other, with our cheeky tongues and desire to see all his very best clothes destroyed (I may or may not have spilt not one but two glasses of wine on his jacket though I maintain it was the first that ruined it and therefore the second doesn't count). I scolded him for his loose tongue but he only laughed, saying that we ought to never have children for they'd be the bane of his and probably everyone else's existence. _

_I remember when you once spoke of the story, as if I'd told you about it great detail. You laughed merrily at the idea that somehow you and I had managed to ruin James' clothes and, while I was thoroughly shocked, I must say despite the confusion it was lovely to hear you laugh._

_You don't laugh nearly enough Nikola. Sure you chuckle and snigger but very rarely do you let loose a proper laugh. I know you don't often have terribly much to laugh about but you should allow yourself to laugh more often, laugh at yourself even, you do have a tendency to be unintentionally humorous. Life, for instance the time you singed your moustache off. Or when you spilt an entire bottle of ink on your very best cream suit and cursed so vividly (and in English too) that I felt the need to wash your mouth out with soap. Well, then it was more the look on your face when I slapped you that had me in stitches but the point remains. _

_Now that I am chuckling at those wonderful memories, I think I might say my goodbyes. For what started off as a melancholy attempt to find some way to respond to your beautiful words, this has taken a rather light-hearted turn and one I hope you appreciate. _

_You, Nikola Tesla, are one of the most ridiculous, heart-warming, headache inducing, intelligent and kind hearted men I have ever met and despite your best efforts, there are very few people for whom I care this deeply. Please don't forget it. _

_Yours eternally,_

_Helen._

_PS: I was the woman in the purple hat with the large rope of pearls around my neck. I had to make sure you would approach me but I know you saw me. And no, I won't make it so easy next time, however much I might want to. _


	19. Nikola: Appropriation

**This is for LoveActuallyFan who, I'm certain, values my writing above my sanity :P**

**Hugs and kisses to those who've been reviewing and props to anyone who can guess where the second love letter comes from. Because I sort of tell you for the first.**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moj pametne jedan...<em>

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><p><em>To my most devious Miss Magnus,<em>

_You cheeky little thing! I can't believe you stole that letter straight out of the trash! I always knew you were clever but I'm starting to think I'm rubbing off on you in a rather disturbing and less than pleasant way. What happened to sweet and innocent little miss Magnus who was all blonde curls and simpering smiles? Well, that's not really true either but you get what I'm saying. Cheeky bugger._

_Actually, considering I just used the word 'cheeky' twice in the one paragraph, I think we're rubbing off on each other. _

_But I digress. You are without a doubt the sneakiest, most sly woman I've ever met! I'm still gobsmacked at the fact you managed to deceive me the way you did. Normally I can see right through you but it wasn't until I saw the empty trash can that I figured out why you'd been so damn quiet! Here I was, lugging the machine I built you around the back streets of New York in order to play the gentleman while you simply meandered by my side. Not that it isn't always pleasant to have you by my side but I didn't even notice anything was the matter!_

_I'd applaud you if I wasn't so appalled! Well, in all honesty, I'm not really appalled at your actions for it certainly provided me with some delightful benefits but if you ever show such devious tendencies again, I'll not share your bed for a week! Actually, maybe just one day instead of a whole week. Or maybe I'll just come up with another way to punish you that won't actually punish me too. _

_Now, onto your typically melancholy letter. You really ought to lighten up darling. Life's not the best now but at least you know that eventually I'll be there for you in every way you've ever imagined. Not that you've ever confessed to me how you envisaged our future when you were receiving the letters but I prefer to think you enjoyed reducing the amount of clothing we both wore as well as more tender moments. But mostly nudity. You do have a surprisingly dirty mind, my sweet. That thing you did last night with the candle makes me shiver just thinking about it. You seem to have a knack for fulfilling my every desire and then some. Though, in truth, my biggest desire for a great long time was to have you by my side so that one isn't too hard to fulfil._

_Oh, right, back to your letter. It's strange because when I read your words about how you miss me, I always end up feeling that familiar sense of longing which is silly because from where I sit I can very clearly see you reclining on the bed, a copy of 'Persuasion' and a thin sheet the only things protecting you from what you've termed my 'saucy gaze'. _

_And you're right, the information I had on the 'pigeon incident' did in fact come from your letter. I'd love to claim that I'd sent that pigeon but I don't believe I'm actually that clever (tell anyone and I'll deny it until the day I die). However, your letter did have me in stitches for quite some time._

_Which reminds me, I've something for you that I have been working on for a very long time. A hundred and fifteen years, in fact. See you mentioned in one of your letters (the blonde you who wasn't avoiding every living soul who could pick her out) of a book you'd come to love and, back then I wasn't nearly as clever with my words as I am now so I decided to appropriate a letter from said book that I was certain would make you swoon and agree to run off into the sunset with me. _

_In that same letter you spoke of how you'd thought I'd all but forgotten you for it had been too long since I'd been home. If that wasn't enough to break my spirit, the affection with which you wrote of James would have done it. I knew then, even if you didn't that you'd soon take him as your lover. I had no right to be upset by the idea, after all James would have been a far better match for you than the man I was back then but it was enough to make me consider a proper love letter._

_It was only when I realised how overly sentimental and romantic the notion was that I decided against it. I probably wouldn't have thought of it again if it hadn't been for the fact that you're reading said book at this very moment. And, come to think of it, last night you did say that my letters, whilst amorous and terribly amusing had nothing on the concept of traditional love letters. Personally I think you've lost it, after all my eloquence is something you've viewed with mixed feelings for quite some time but none the less, I'm man enough to admit that expressing my sentiments isn't my strongest area. So, with trepidation I'm going to employ the words and, most specifically, a letter from someone before our time. I've twisted it a little but I think you should be able to understand where it comes from._

_Right, well, here goes nothing._

_And if you even think about making fun of me for this I'll have your head._

_~ To H.P.M,_

_I have listened too long in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. The news of you I have pierces my soul. I am half in agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late to love you, that your heart and affections already belong to another after being so recently healed. I offer myself to you with a heart even more your own than when you first won it almost eighteen years ago. Dare not say that I have forgotten you, that my adoration for you has found an early death. I have thought of none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful of the choices you made I have been but never inconstant. You alone brought me to the Five. For you alone, I think and plan. I always have. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to understand the depth of emotion I feel for you? I had not waited even these 18 years, could I have read your feelings as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant thinking of something which overpowers me. Your words are guarded but I can distinguish the tones of such words when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! Oh you do me justice, indeed. I believe you jest in your complaints that I have forgotten you. Never doubt my attachment to you, believe it to be most fervent and undeviating in your_

_N.T_

_I send this, uncertain of my fate but I entreat you to return to my side or send me a correspondence as soon as possible. A single word from you will be enough to decide whether I make the journey to your father's Sanctuary once more or never. ~_

_So? What do you think? Did its potency disappear with my bastardization? Have I completely lost my marbles? Well, let's be honest, I probably have but I'm rather proud of the lengths I went to in the hopes of winning your heart, as embarrassing as my actions may seem to me now. They do say we all do foolish things in our youth. _

_I must admit I'm rather tempted to throw this letter away and attempt something with considerably less stomach-turning sweetness but not only do I think you'd probably find a way to circumvent my attempt, after the sentiments my last letter held I doubt you'd be surprised by the gooey extent of my heart. Instead I'll finish here and return to your side. After all, that thin cotton sheet isn't likely to be keeping you warm, is it?_

_Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. _

_Yours,_

_Nikola._

_PS: I know, I'm mixing my love letters but I've come up with a rather ingenious way to deliver the next few lines of the letter to you and, as such, I couldn't resist. Plus that look of adoration that appears in your eyes makes the entire endeavour worthwhile._


	20. Helen: 1904

**Hi! I'm back! Not that I went anywhere but it's been so long I'll forgive you if you think I have :P More will come soon! Promise! I'll write it on the train this afternoon! Well, theoretically...**

**History? Well, in 1904 Nikola was working on his Wardenclyffe tower in Long Island but the patent for the radio was taken from him and awarded to Marconi. It wasn't until 1943 that it was re-established that he was in fact the true inventor of the radio.**

**Love and hugs to everyone reviewing, you are why I'm yet to kill someone :P**

**xx**

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><p><em>Nikola,<em>

_If I have my maths correct, you'll be reading this shortly before James and I arrive at your laboratory. I know it will not seem like it, but I am incredibly excited to be by your side once more. It will have been nearly sixteen years since you and I have seen each other and while I will be frosty, know that it is only because I am nervous. See, I am actually rather worried that you have changed greatly since we last saw each other and it will take me several days to learn to be candid with you once more but do not give up hope, I am just as eager for this day as I believe you to be._

_Be wary of James though for he does not trust you as much as he should. Granted, you really did deserve our mistrust some days but he is fearful of you for he thinks I could be easily swayed to fall into your waiting arms. I had in fact spent the weeks leading up to this trip talking nonstop about how excited I was to see you again and about how much I had missed you. It was a strange time in my life, I must admit. Both John and Nigel had dropped out of my work, leaving only James and I at the Sanctuary while you were off conquering the Americas. _

_It all sounded rather romantic at the time and each of you exploits were received by the younger version of me with much relish. I'd often dreamed about coming to visit you but between my budding relationship with James and the ever increasing work load at the Sanctuary, it was difficult to get time enough to reply to your letters, let alone travel across the ocean to see you. _

_Several times I had asked you to come home to me in my head but never could I manage to write the words down, after all, desperate and needy weren't my style though I did want you to return desperately. While James has always been excellent company, you always provided something more in my life. You have a spark (pardon that most terrible pun) that the others never quite had, a zest to you that keeps me coming back to you time and time again. I'm not sure if you remember but I always used to say that each of you gave something more to my life that was as essential to me as breathing. James was my equal, willing to provide intellectual debates that you all tired of after only a few hours. Nigel made me smile, his unique sense of humour is one of those things that have stuck with me for my entire life. John was my first love, the man amongst you who managed to make me feel like a woman but you, you were something different entirely. You were bright and lively yet so reserved. You flirted with me effortlessly and shamelessly tried to steal kisses if we were both drunk enough but would defend my honour to the hilt. You, amongst all my boys were my friend and the man I could not live without._

_That's why coming to visit you was so exciting for me. I missed you so bitterly that the thought of seeing you, if only for a few short weeks was exciting. Considering the way our last visits had been conducted I was rather nervous but I do believe my excitement over came those nerves. After all, you weren't visiting so that we could catch Jack the Ripper once and for all and I wasn't coming to tell you that I was to be married to the man you hated most of all. I was not (or am not, depending on which side you look at it from) involved with James at the time but I distinctly remember thinking that you thought we were. To be honest, it was too soon for me to even consider such a relationship and I do remember being eternally grateful to whichever deity that had kept you from trying to seduce me whilst we visited. Perhaps it was because you are so caught up in your experiments and the court case or maybe it was just because you knew how fragile I was. Either way, I'll thank you in advance._

_There is so much I want to tell you about this year, about the things that will happen but you are a great man Nikola and no matter what, you will emerge victorious. Your recent loss of the radio patent does not discredit your work, I promise and I swear that one day your name shall shine in the lights that you so carefully create but, in the mean time, I shall regale you with tales of our youth not only to cheer myself up but also so that when times are tough, you can smile as you think of me. I know that sounds horribly self centred but I am an incredibly selfish person most of the time and it comforts me to think that while I may not be able to be by your side when things are difficult for you, at least some part of you will know how very much I want to._

_So, surely you remember Christmas of '78? It was the one and only time I've ever seen you drunk enough to get up and dance on a table. There's much of the evening I don't remember, I'll admit but one thing I do remember is getting an eyeful when Nigel 'accidentally' poured his glass of eggnog on your pants. See, the thing was, I'd told him, in confidence whilst very, very intoxicated that'd I'd once had a dream about a Christmas party with the four of that involved nudity and those Serbian songs you hated so much. Naturally you were still in your undergarments but it was a very shocking dream indeed._

_Well, Nigel took it upon himself to 'make my dream come true' though I can't help but think he failed spectacularly. All he succeeded in doing was making you chase him around the house, brandishing a candle stick in anger. The rest of us were giggling like school children at your antics until you forgot I was in the room and proceeded to try and take off your pants. My yelp of surprise seemed to startle you into sense though the way you blushed still makes me smile. _

_And then, I think it was later that same evening that you kissed me for the first time. Of course, the mistletoe had a lot to do with it but when you asked me if it would be acceptable for you to do as such, I had to bite my tongue to keep from giggling. Did you really think I'd say no or was it more from nerves that you asked? Either way, it was the most haphazard kiss I've ever received. You missed my lips and stumbled, grabbing at my hips only I was giggling too hard and stepped back and while I don't exactly remember what led to us end up lying on the floor, I did end up with the bruise to prove that you really aren't a lightweight._

_That was a good Christmas, was it not? Before the blood changed us all things were so much simpler. No murder, no resentment, just the five of us. I miss those times, when we'd spend the entire day holed up in some abandoned laboratory just working away, forgetting to stop even for lunch. You and I were the worst at that but James always came in a close third. Nigel's fondness for food and John's literary driven mind always made them stop but you and I were unstoppable if we got on a roll. _

_You also got rather smelly when on a roll. And snappy though given your achievements I think I'll have to forgive you for that last one. That is another thing I remember clearly from our trip to Shoreham you hadn't bathed in close to three days when we arrived. Actually, this might be one point where I shall consider it acceptable to change history. Put this letter down at once and go bathe Niko or I'll never forgive you!_

_Yours only if you make an attempt at bathing more often,_

_Helen._

_PS: I am not kidding, if you don't go clean yourself properly right now I'll be most upset and shall force you to bathe every hour on the hour when we are finally reunited. Alone._


	21. Nikola: Possibilities

**Sorry this has been a little while coming but Nikola just got too sentimental and I had to do a few re-writes. More shall be up around the end of the week 'cause I'm heading away for a few days sans laptop. I'll write for sure but it won't be up until I get home. So pretty please, leave me lots of lovely reviews to make me smile when I get home and have to unpack :D**

**Thank you to those who take the time to review, puts a smile on my dial!**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moju budućnost...<em>

_To my darling Helen,_

_The reason I hadn't bathed when you arrived had nothing to do with my work. Well, it did in the beginning but if I hadn't found your letter on the doorstep, I'd have had enough time to make myself presentable so it's entirely your fault and, as such, I feel you owe me a shower at the very least. Or a bath, I can't decide. Both? Just let me wash your back and I'll be alright._

_Anyway, onto the more serious topic at hand, James. He was a good man, wasn't he? Of all of you, he was the most obliging when it came to me within our little group. You, of course wanted me there but your relationship with John meant you kept your distance. Nigel was like a brother to me eventually but James was always welcoming. I think it was his voice. Rather comforting, don't you think?_

_Please don't think I'm discussing him with you know in the hopes of making you miss him for I already know you do, just as much as I but of all those we have known in our long lives, he is the one who I feel is often forgotten. He was such a good man, to the both of us and I know he loved you a great deal. Not as much as me, of course but in his own way. Though, if truth be told, we did all love you. It was one of those unspoken things between us boys, your boys. We all wanted you for our own but, if anyone else was to get you, we each hoped that it was one of the others. We were a strange bunch, weren't we? Right from the start. There were weeks when we'd not part company, staying together in one way or another. So improper but we really did have such a high opinion of ourselves, thinking us to be above scorn. What probably helped with that was that no one particularly cared for our exploits anyway. _

_You mentioned in your letter how jealous of my 'exciting' life you were and while green may not be your colour (I am sorry about that, I just couldn't resist), you seem to forget the life you were leading at the time. Dr. Magnus; monster catcher! Though I wasn't so much jealous of you as I was the creatures you sought. You showed them such compassion and tenderness and, at the time I could only hope that one day you'd feel the same way for me. Well, not so much the compassion but you get what I'm saying._

_The visit your letter preceded I must say was one of you better ones. Neither of us were covered in mud, you didn't have a fiancé and while I felt it best not to push the issue, you reminded me of the brilliant young woman I met back at Oxford in the way you reacted to me. Do you remember that early morning cup of tea we shared? You leant into me voluntarily and didn't complain when I wrapped the blanket around your shoulders. I'm not ashamed to admit that I thought you might again by my Helen. I know, I know, it was silly and naïve because you belonged to no man but I thought that maybe you'd again be my friend. Not just my friend of course, but I hoped we'd be able to recapture some of that closeness we had in the early days. _

_To be honest, if you'd asked me to come back to England, asked me properly, not just in passing as you did on occasion, I'd most likely have come back with you. I loved New York (some days) but if I'd known that you wanted me by your side, I think only the chance to personally vilify Edison would have kept me from being there. In retrospect though, I'm almost glad that we weren't together. Can you imagine all the things that would be different? All the people we'd never meet, all the things we wouldn't have discovered? Of course, I'd have kept you far too busy for you to get any real work done and eventually James would have gone barmy, suffering through us and our indescribable chemistry. Then he'd leave, the Sanctuary would fall into ruins and life as we know it would cease to exist. Though waking up next to you every day would most certainly have made up for destroying the world. _

_I know you probably think I've lost it completely but do you really think if I'd been by your side every day you'd have been able to resist my charms? Of course not. You'd have fallen into my arms within a decade and not only would you break James's heart in the process but I'm fairly sure that would have been reason enough for old Johnny to resurface once more. Oh he'd have torn me limb from limb, I'm certain. Then you'd have been left heartbroken, raising our millions of tiny babies (because let's face it Helen, contraception was really more of a guess and check thing back then) but you'd be broke and James would have gone into hiding to avoid our overwhelming adorableness so you'd have no one but John and he'd shave off all the boy's pretty golden locks and then you'd be mad at him, probably shoot him and basically it'd all go to hell rather quickly. _

_See, our separation really does have benefits. _

_But if we had been together things would have been rather wonderful too. I'd have made you a cup of tea every day, probably brought it to you in bed too. I'd drag you from your office when it got too late at night and I'd bring you food when you forgot to eat. Our laboratories would obviously be adjoining at first but I think we'd get fed up with that rather quickly and have the wall between us knocked down. You'd complain about my explosions and I'd complain about the jars of goo you'd be playing with but in the end you'd have trouble working without me and I'd have trouble without you. I'd go on to become the world's most famous inventor, crushing Edison not under my mighty boot but under your dainty one for he doesn't need any more than that. Not that you'd be wearing the shoe at the time, just in case any of him seeped through but you'd congratulate me on my success before complaining that I'm not working hard enough. There would probably be lots of babies too though we'd keep them out of the lab until they were at least six. _

_You'd grow your Sanctuary network in the name of your father and I'd be by your side every step of the way. I'd hold your hand when governments lost faith in you and I'd bring you the champagne when the realised their mistake. Eventually you'd probably go public and while it'd be hard, you'd very quickly be revered worldwide. Having a dashing and brilliant inventor on your arm would help but let's be honest, you've always had the ability to make nearly anyone fall in love with you. All you'd need would be that sweet smile, you know the one I'm talking about and then you could probably run for Queen of the damn universe without any troubles. Charismatic doesn't quite cover it. _

_Reading back over that, I realise I've presented you with two scenarios but I think that's my point. We don't know which way our relationship would have turned out so I think it's probably much safer if you don't go and change the timeline so that we can be together, don't you my love?_

_I think for now I shall call it a day, leave you to think on what the future might hold if you let it. Things will not be as easy as the picture I have painted but when it all seems too much, take solace in the fact when it is time, I will be there for you. I always have been._

_Forever yours,_

_Nikola._

_PS: How was that? Did I get too sentimental in the end? It's a rather fine line, don't you think?_


	22. Helen: 1909

**I'M BAA-AAACK! Lovely holiday, much fun was had even if I didn't get to deface Druitt Street...**

**This was written on the plane down (which is why it's a bit short) and Nikola's response is also written but I have to transfer it from lime green notes in my shipper note book to actual typed shizz so it might take a few days. Part of Alfredo's is written for FMN too and I should be able to get that done tomorrow so look out, I'm back with a vengeance!**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they kept me company when I manage to find me some interwebs :D I shall go reply to them all now! Also, way to go guys, EVERYONE updated EVERYTHING I love while I was unable to access ff... Thanks... -_-**

**And thank you to Emmy1512 for proofreading when I was too lazy :D And keeping me company technologically on my holiday.**

**History: In 1909 lots of stuff happened but most notably Marconi won a Nobel prize for 'his' invention of the radio... *grumble grumble***

**xx**

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><p><em>Dear Nikola,<em>

I know it probably wasn't your intention, but I did find your last letter rather entertaining. Never in all my years did I think you to be that creative! Your imagination, or supposed lack thereof, has always been confusing to me; for as ingenious as many of your inventions have been, the simple idea of a day dream you made us believe to be beyond you. Perhaps it has more to do with your need for action than a lack of imagination. It did always seemed that if it didn't better your life in some visible and tangible way, you were rather quick to dismiss it. Deep down however, I think your imagination has a startlingly creative side. After all, your ability to give me a headache via previously unexplored avenues is second to none.

Your scientific imagination is also a marvel. I envy your ability to see a project before you embark on it without the aid of physical notes. I do, however, have very fond memories of the time you did tried to convert to more conventional methods of note keeping. If I thought your lab was chaotic before, seeing it after that point made me rethink such a complaint. I'd take your paper-free mess any day over that which erupted when you engaged in hand written notes. In fact, I think the day you began using paper was the day I vowed to stop complaining about your mess. The worst part of it was that it made your theories and plans no more understandable to me!

Do you remember the day just before you left for Budapest? It was two in the morning, and you came tearing into my bedroom in just your undershirt and crumpled pants from the previous day, while I lay before you in nothing but a satin nightgown that was more sheer than probably necessary. You were waving probably half a tree worth of notes at me, spewing out information at a rate that I couldn't comprehend, and you wouldn't shut up until I threw that damn pillow at you. I ought to apologise for such behaviour but at the time it was the only way I could think of making you be quiet. The incredulous look on your face is something I've never been able to forget, though it is surpassed by the look you gave me when I told you (not too politely) to shut it and get into the bed with me. In my defence; I was very tired and it was cold. Your spluttering at such a request was adorable, and while it did bring me to my senses, I sort of wanted to give you a chance to impeach on my modesty as it were. We'd spent such a long time as such good friends and I'll admit I was curious as to how you felt about me. The memory of our night after the blood was still imprinted on my mind and I could sense some kind of change in our relationship coming.

Though I'll admit I was surprised when you complied. I'd have thought the concept of gentlemanly behaviour would have kept you from climbing under the covers with me if, even after knowing of John's interest in me you were still inclined. Not that I'm complaining of course, I did have fun trying to decipher your messily written notes by candlelight as we played footsies under the covers. And you did make a most comfortable and obliging pillow. Ever since our dalliance the night of the blood, I'd been wondering how it would feel to again fall asleep in your arms (even if you'd ceased to need sleep), so when I felt the first tingle of sleep as the sun rose shifting that bit closer so our bodies were pressed together seemed the natural next step. But then you took it one further, much to my pleasure and dragged me closer as you leaned back into the pillows. That was the night I realised just how delicious you truly smell.

The next morning when I awoke with you pressed to tightly against my back was... well, let's just say you provided me with a very interesting and first hand education of the male anatomy. I am not sorry that I rolled over and pulled you closer, nor am I sorry that you kissed me. I am however sorry that I ignored you for a week after that, and that I effectively gave you the final push you needed to go to Budapest. That morning as we kissed under the covers it all felt so easy, so simple, like nothing could make more sense... but from the moment I put on that restrictive corset I felt the pressure of society once more, the pressure your presence had made me forget. I was nervous and afraid that you'd think me easy. It was silly and immature of me. I should have known that how you felt about me had not changed, but between my fear and the rather solid moral compass my father instilled in me, I was deeply ashamed of myself for acting the way I did, and I took that out on you. I shouldn't have and I have no excuse for my behaviour. I realise now that I should have asked for your forgiveness long ago but now, all these years later, I'd much rather ask that you one day give me the opportunity to redeem myself.

Oh no, it's happened again, hasn't it? What was meant to be a nice little jaunt back to happier days has, as per usual, resulted in me lamenting wrongs I have done to you. I promised myself it would not happen again. That this time I'd succeed in distracting you from that awful man and the things he has done (do not kill Marconi OR the Nobel committee darling or I shall never forgive you) but alas I fear I've sunk us both into a state of regret for mistakes we made in our youth.

Don't regret any of our history my darling Nikola for it is what has brought us this present.

Yours always,

Helen.

PS: I'm serious. Please do not kill them. For me? For us?

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><p><strong>Also, HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE THE LACK OF SERBIAN AT THE BEGINNING OF THE LAST LETTER? Well, no matter because it's there now :D<strong>


	23. Nikola: Footsie Angel

__**Freakin' green notes. Such a bad idea. Thanks for all the reviews though, they be makin' me smile :P Also thanks to CK for her help proofreading when I was too lazy...**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moje andjeo...<em>

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><p><em>Darling Helen,<em>

_Playing footsies with you has always been a pleasure. In fact, if I'm not mistaken your foot is inching its way up my calf as we speak. Oh yes, definitely your foot though you'd best stop soon or this letter will never get finished_

_You shouldn't worry about me so much love, I wasn't nearly as cut up about your behaviour as you seem to believe I was. I, like you, was a little puzzled by our behaviour. Sure we were somewhat scandalous on a semi regular basis but I think we both knew that this was something entirely different. After you threw that pillow at me I was certain you were going to scream blue bloody murder and get the others to skin me alive. It wasn't that I'd never before been in your bedchamber, I'd even seen you in such a state of undress before too but if I'm not mistaken I didn't even knock that night. I just ran straight on in without thinking about how you might feel about such a situation. _

_And of course, when you invited me to join you my opinion of you did change entirely but only for the better my dear. At that stage I was certain very few women would ever be interested in me and the thought that you might be? Well, let's just say that you made me smile like a smitten fool for a very long time. I'm not ashamed to admit that that night was the first time I honestly thought I had a chance to win your heart. I didn't sleep that entire evening, more than content to simply hold you as you leant against me. _

_In that moment I realised I was the luckiest man in the world. _

_You smelt like butter and lilacs and sunshine. Your hair was (and still is) as soft as finest silk beneath my cheek. Your elegant hands were fisted in my shirt with such force that I couldn't have dislodged them if I wanted to. I was in heaven. But then when you turned in my arms, pressing your delightful derriere against me as you sought solace in my arms I nearly lost all rational thought. It took everything I had to not rock against you, to keep my hands still as they cradled you. You kept sighing sweetly, tiny pants of breath that made my entire body shake. Once or twice I think I even caught you muttering my name as you buried your head into my arm. I didn't dare hope it was such at the time but as you slowly awoke in my arms and greeted me so thoroughly hope began to blossom within me. Of course, now I am certain you were saying my name, I've heard it on so many occasions but still, it doesn't take away from the way my heart soared._

_Don't beat yourself up about this one dear, I thought your behaviour nothing but proper given the circumstances. Sure several repeats performances wouldn't have gone astray but once more your freezing little toes are making their way towards my end of the bed so I really feel that I no longer have any reason to complain. Though why you use me, the person with the colder body temperature to warm your toes I'll never understand. _

_O.K, now I'm serious Helen, if you don't stop sliding towards me like that this letter will never get finished._

_Stop or I'll move over to the desk!_

_Right, back to my lonesome little Helen in 1909. _

_If you must know, the real reason I left for Budapest had very little to do with you. Alright, that's a lie but I just wanted to prove myself, to show you all that I wasn't crazy. I know, not one of my brightest ideas but still, I needed to be Nikola Tesla, not just another of The Five who was head over heels in love with you. Naturally I was upset at your budding relationship with John (especially given what I'd thought of as the bud to our relationship just a few days prior) and the distance that had begun to grow between us but I honestly think that the time apart did us good. You matured beautifully and while the absence of your wide-eyed naivety was a little saddening (the things that look could have gotten me to do are staggering and best for you to never find out), you have and did continue to grow into Magnificent Ms Magnus, a woman I am proud to know and love._

_Of course, that naivety is still within you in some respects, your wide blue eyes will always have me on my knees but you are like good wine, growing more beautiful, more complex and somehow more delicate with time. You have in many ways stayed the same as the young wannabe physical I met all those years ago. You are still unfailingly kind, still remarkably intelligent, still able to make me laugh every time you point a gun at my face. But you have most certainly grown more beautiful inside and out. _

_I'll admit, I loved your golden locks but the darker tones set off your eyes and look fantastic splayed out across the pillow as you sleep in my arms. Especially when one of the curls lands on your cheek and you bat it away with that cute little frown... Anyway, I digress. _

_You know, it is kind of odd because as dark and decadent as your hair is, your soul has remained as light and bright as when we first met. Inside not reflecting the out and all that. Not to say that you don't have an evil streak that keeps me wrapped around your little finger but for all the leather and sombre dressing, you are still, deep down, that same woman I fell for so long ago._

_Don't try and pull all that 'I'm dark and twisty and you don't want me and my twisted heart' routine because it's not true. You may have done dark deeds in your life but none of it has been in vain. You burn brighter and more pure than any flame darling and nothing you can do will change the very flavour of your character. Plus, if you're dark then I'm a black hole._

_Oh blast it, there are your toes again. Sorry darling but I'll have to cut this letter short and go ravish you. Again._

_Love,_

_Your Nikola._

_PS: I really think Marconi should count you as his guardian angel which isn't fair because you're meant to be __my__ angel! (See what I did there?)_


	24. Helen: 1917

**This is the second last of Helen's letters which means, finally this is coming to an end. I can't believe that it actually took me longer than season four to write this one!**

**History lesson: In 1917, Nikola Tesla was awarded the Edison medal by the AIEE. Originally he rejected it but soon enough accepted it but on the night it was being awarded, he disappeared only to be found in the library feeding his pigeons. (And, if you want to believe this story is true, he finds this letter :P) He was eventually convinced to return and accepted the award, making a speech and all.**

**Thank you to those reviewing but I'd also like you to really quickly check out my profile for info pertaining to fanfic4kids if you haven't already! Great cause guys so get on board. All I'm asking for is a signed review :D**

**xx**

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><p><em>Dear Nikola,<em>

_Tonight for you should be a magnificent night and I'll be most put out if you spend the entire evening holed up in this blasted library. I know I'm not one to talk considering all the things we used to do, the way we'd not leave my father's library for days at a time but tonight I simply won't allow you to wallow like this._

_You are a genius, certifiably mad and highly likely to cause explosions but a genius none the less and a genius, when being recognized is not meant to hide away. I know you do not do what you do for the recognition or for the prestige but this award isn't being awarded to you out of spite. You are a genius Nikola Tesla and both you and I know it is high time you were acknowledged as more than a man with financial difficulties._

_It is strange to me to be writing to you like this, to be asking you to be arrogant and encouraging that ego of yours to flourish but you need it Niko. You need to be strong and to believe in yourself because not everyone else always will, even I am guilty of that. Things will not always go your way and you need to be strong enough to handle that. I suppose it's silly to say such things when you've experienced so much more heartache in your life than most but the truth is I worry about you and it's not just me, the other Helen worries to. You work yourself to the bone without a single thought as to your health and, if I'm honest, it's terrifying. _

_But back to the issue at hand, your prize. I understand why you tried to refuse it in the first place but I'm glad to see you are egotistical enough to recognize that you deserved it, even if you seem to have rediscovered the humble streak I never really knew you had. What is it that made you leave the party? I never saw it happen, I was already gone to deliver this letter by that point but it is not uncommon knowledge that you disappeared to feed the pigeons. None the less, one day you must explain to me why._

_This will be my last letter for quite some time I'm sorry to say and it isn't a particularly in depth one either but to be honest I can't bring myself to write to your properly. Not only am I up to my eyeballs in work but the thought of being so far from you for such a long time frightens me. Please don't forget me Nikola, you shall be seeing much more of the other version of myself in the coming years and while the years were very pleasurable ones for us both (not like that), it means that I will be able to see far less of you than before. _

_I will be back eventually, I promise. I shall never forget that I owe you another letter and even if it seems that way, don't give up hope._

_Now, I believe I shall make a last ditch attempt to lighten the mood! We can't have another of my letters turn into a lament, can we?_

_Today, in keeping with the earlier set out theme of how intelligent you are (one which I feel I may come to regret one day), I'd like to tell you of the day I realised you were a genius. Now there are many moments when this has been made apparent to me but I don't suppose you remember what happened on the 31__st__ of July, 1878? I doubt you will, it was, by all accounts an unremarkable day and it is only because my favourite dress was ruined that day that it sticks in my mind. _

_Nigel, in all his suave glory, spilt an entire bottle of red wine down the front of my peach coloured dress while we picnicked along the banks of the Thames. I was furious, absolutely livid though I had no right to be considering it had actually happened previously but I was just about ready to wring his bloody neck. It wasn't his fault, I know that but if you hadn't all been horsing around as you were, it never would have happened and I wouldn't have had to explain to my father why I was soaking wet and covered in salt. _

_Your suggestion of pouring salt on the stain worked wonders, lifting far more of the stain than I ever believed possible and for that you shall always be a genius to me. Of course, I also decided that the others were complete fools for dousing me in water the way they did. I think you and I were the only sober ones that day which is surprising considering the frequency with which we used to get plastered and find ourselves in compromising positions. All these years later it is easy for me to look back on and smile but there was a time when I thought you the most dangerous man I'd met._

_For all your intelligence there is something within you that is almost painfully naïve, something that melts me. You are undoubtedly one of the sweetest men I have ever met and between that endearing quality and your mind, there were many times when you could have had me at your mercy, all but begging for your touch. Looking back it's a good thing you never pieced it together though I'll admit part of me almost wishes you had. _

_And if you are now getting any plans to try and seduce me, or the version of me that you know, I have to tell you that it won't work, the woman who fell for your wide-eyed enthusiasm is a little stronger willed nowadays. She won't faint at the flutter of your eyelashes darling, though it will cause her to feel the uncontrollable need to slap you for your efforts. She is far wiser than you give her credit for dear and she will catch onto any wily scheme you have to bed her in a matter of moments. It comes from having an uncontrollable desire to do the same to you._

_This letter, when I read over it seems startlingly forward and patchy but as I write, my hands continue to shake. Tonight I will see you for the last time in a great many years and it scares me because for quite some time, these letters have been the only constant in my life. Much around me is changing and evolving in ways that I have instigated yet cannot control and while I have travelled much in these last few years, it is nothing in comparison to the places I shall go in those coming. _

_Be strong my darling Nikola for if you are, then I can be too._

_Yours,_

_Helen._

_PS: Congratulations, you truly do deserve this award. It has been a long time coming. _


	25. Nikola: Foolish

**Today's little update is dedicated to all my 'strayan readers. Happy 'Straya Day! (Oh God, I can't believe I just typed that, it's actually my pet peeve!) And to Sailor's Wife. Feel better soon deary :)**

**xx**

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><p><em>Za moje budala...<em>

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><p><em>To my most ridiculously impetuous and dangerous Helen,<em>

_You say you want to know why I ran from the party? Are you just playing dumb or did you really not notice me stalking you down those corridors? I left because I saw you, because I saw you watching me from the corner in that deep blue satin number. _

_How could you be so reckless Helen? How could you be so completely and utterly foolish? Do you not know what you have just risked? What if I'd managed to catch up to you, what would you have done then? What if I hadn't realised I had to let you go, what if I hadn't been strong enough to do that? You risked everything! I was about two seconds away from grabbing you, pinning you to the wall and having my damn way with you! God Helen, in all my years never have I known you to be so idiotic!_

_That entire night I was miserable, bored and lonely at a party I didn't feel I belonged at. I'm not ashamed to say I spent most of the time moping about, avoiding talking to anyone who I didn't feel I could belittle with a look. But then I saw you. You were so conspicuous, up in that corner, pressed against the wall with your hat pulled low over your eyes. I knew it was you in an instant. _

_I loved your dark hair, thought it was just spectacular and the tiny curls that fell by your cheeks had me just about on my knees. The dark blue suited you, a little too well for my restraint's liking but suited you none the less. It didn't help either that everyone else was dressed to the nines in soft coloured party dresses. You stood out like a sore thumb my dear, just as you always do. _

_To be honest, at that point I wanted nothing more than to stride up the stairs to your little balcony hide-hole, grab you by the waist and drag you into the nearest room. Something in me knew you wouldn't protest and now, looking back, I think it's a very good thing that you stood up and left when you did. I'm not sure how much longer I would have lasted before going to you and ravaging you. _

_The worst part is that now I know how much you were tempted to do the same. You wanted me to come and tear away your fine clothes just as much as I wanted to see them in tatters by my bed. It actually reminded me a little of the day before my death. You looked ravishing that day too. In fact, the image of the dark haired version of you was in my mind as I kissed you senseless that day. It felt vaguely like cheating but part of me knew the woman who clung to me was one who did so because of a fear of losing me and, as such, wasn't really my Helen, not yet anyway. You wanted me but I'm not sure if you truly wanted __me__. You were afraid and had every right to be. Though the second I managed to get you out of that hideous green dress any thoughts of any other versions of you were gone from my mind. Even if we never did get any further than a few well placed gropes._

_But, as I was saying, you are a reckless, foolish individual and I have the strongest desire to bend you over my knee and give you a good spanking for your idiocy. Plus, after last night I owe you one._

_Where was I again? Oh, right, when you walked away. Now, you need to keep in mind that at this stage I was sticking heavily with the 'celibate' story in the hopes of wooing you with my dedication (I still hadn't given up hope bedding the other version of you at this point) so the idea of seeing you, the you who had all but professed to loving me had me desperate to get you alone and, if possible, naked. _

_I watched as you sauntered from the room and, the second you were out of my sight, I followed, hurrying through the crowds of well-wishers in the vain hope that I could catch you. I almost lost you as I emerged from the main ballroom but a gust of strong, fresh air reached my nose and brought with it your scent. And it was your scent, not that of the younger version of yourself. The one I loved to come home to find on my pillow. On a sidenote, if I may ask a favour, with your next letter could you return to your previous habit of leaving it on my pillow? There was something about that I found beautifully intimate._

_But yes, back to the ridiculous lengths you go to to tease me._

_I could smell you Helen and it was that smell that I followed, hurrying along past lecherous couples in darkened corridors like a puppy on the heels of its owner. That's what you felt like to me at the time, the woman who owned my heart. If the truth be told, you still do. _

_Why do I keep getting so distracted whilst writing this letter? I meant for it to be an opportunity for me to berate you for your foolish mistake (because you went out to buy some kind of contraption you did explain to me that I don't actually understand but it doesn't matter because it means you aren't here to hit me for being so bold) but once again I am getting caught up in how much I love you! Woman, what on earth have you done to me?_

_So, yes, the dark and hazy corridors. Eventually I caught up to you though by then I think you were off in a world of your own. I'd like to think you were daydreaming about what would happen if I found you but knowing your mind it could have been anything. I hung back ever so slightly as I started to feel a little guilty for what I was doing. I knew it wasn't the version of you that I knew and I knew we weren't supposed to meet but it was so tempting to throw caution to the wind and step into the library after you. _

_As it was I waited by the door, watching as you opened the window, inviting in a few pigeons. I almost burst in at that point, ready to declare my love and all that jazz but then I watched how, with trembling fingers you kissed the envelope of my letter before placing it gently on the window sill. You almost broke my heart in that moment and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I couldn't very well walk in there and announce my presence to you as much as I may have wanted to. I knew you had your reasons for staying away and, despite our sometimes tumultuous relationship I have always and will always trust you. It killed me to step back into the shadows as you turned towards the door once more and the single tear that rested on your lovely little cheek had me breathing hard. _

_I watched silently as you walked away but when you paused, halfway down the corridor for a long moment, my heart was in my throat. Half of me was desperate to have you turn around and, through the darkness, see me while the other was silently urging you on. I wanted you Helen, more than I can ever explain. The thought of you being sad or upset in any way and because of me made the urge to run to you even stronger. You deserved to be comforted and the desire to do just that was strong._

_I don't know how I did it, I really don't but somehow I waited a full two minutes before I entered the library. Your scent was thick in the air and as I approached the window my hands were shaking far worse than yours. When I read the letter I better understood why you had been so upset though the concept of you missing me was one that was still a little foreign at the time. Not that I don't believe you've always missed me when I was apart but this was something different, wasn't it?_

_Anyway, there you have it. The true story of why I was in the library. All your fault darling, all your fault. And I love you for it._

_Have fun in Coober Pedy my dear. It'll be hot but I'm sure you'll find some way to pass the time. I can't suggest the black bikini for obvious reasons but- Oh, you're knocking at the door so I think perhaps I'll save that thought for later._

_Love,_

_Nikola._

_PS: You are an absolute fool, you know that right? I mean, __my__ fool but still a fool._

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><p><strong>Quick question, do you want them to ever actually meet prior to Helen rejoining the time line because I have two options for the next part of this and can't decide. Review and let me know? :)<strong>


	26. The Case of the Missing Scarf

**This chapter and the several after it are all dedicated to ZaraShade because her video 'Perfect' (which I frequently reference as amazing, I know) is totally responsible for me making this the way it is. You'll understand that statement soon enough.**

**Also, I want to point out that from this point until the end of the letters, there will be no additional scenes. There are three but they come after Nikola's final letter. Which won't be what you think it is but still, don't go hanging out for them just yet :P**

**Thank you to those reviewing, it's for you that I've powered through!**

**xx**

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><p>"Have you got everything?" Helen asked quietly as they stood in the corner, huddled together to keep out of the rain.<p>

"Of course," he retorted quietly. "Since when have you known me to forget something? Plus it isn't as if I have much to take with me."

Helen smiled tightly in response, shuffling a little closer to him as she looked around.

"Are you certain?" she asked again, looking up to him with wide eyes and Nikola couldn't help but smile.

"I shall be fine Helen," he replied, placing one hand on her cheek. "This is me we're talking about."

"Which is why I'm worried," she retorted with a glimmer of a smile before casting her eyes over the bustling platform on which they stood. Steam filled the frosty morning air, sounds of goodbyes filling the air as rickety old luggage trolleys were slowly weaved through the crowd.

"Don't be," he said quietly, drawing her attention back to him. "I'm going to be perfectly alright Helen. Thanks to you anyway."

She sighed but smiled, reaching up to wind her arms around his neck, holding him tightly to her.

"Please don't do anything too reckless," she whispered as he pulled her close.

"Only if you promise not to let James sweep you off your feet again," he replied with a chuckled and she pulled back, making a face at him.

"How did you know about James and I?" she asked, blatantly ignoring the fact that, regardless of how her and James' relationship was progressing, she'd effectively thrown herself at Nikola the previous evening. Same old Helen, he thought with an internal sigh.

"You mean aside from the way you were both gushing about each other's achievements in your last set of letters?"

She frowned at that but before she could respond, Nikola raised a hand, pressing a gloved finger to her lips.

"Whatever it is you fought about, you shouldn't be so harsh on the poor man," he said with a smile. "After all, he's practically senile and we must be kind to the old."

"Don't you be so nasty," she chastised, prodding his stomach as she tried to hide a smile. Pleased to have brightened her up a little, Nikola glanced down at his watch, alarmed to see just how close it was to the train's departure.

"You'd best leave," he said sadly, looking down to her.

Helen sighed as she looked at the watch but nodded.

"You must write to me," she ordered suddenly, eyes blazing. "As long as it is safe, I want to know where you are and what you are doing, understand?"

"I shall try my very hardest to write to you from beyond the grave," he said solemnly, earning himself another slap on the chest.

"And you aren't to go creating any more world wars," she continued sternly. "No world domination either, alright?"

"If you're quite finished?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as she sighed.

"Just... just be safe?" she said softly, her voice lilting enough to make it a question.

"Only if you promise the same," he replied warmly, cupping her cheek. "No abnormals or beasties that could eat you for breakfast?"

"I can't promise that," she said with a huff, crossing her arms.

"And nor can I promise that my work won't take me on a path that you may end up being unhappy with," he continued smoothly. She opened her mouth to protest but Nikola spoke first.

"But I will promise to try, alright?" She contemplated it for a moment before nodding and smiling.

A moment passed between them and Nikola realised that this was it, this was goodbye.

"I'll miss you," he said impulsively and she grinned.

"I shan't miss having to clean up your messes," she responded before throwing her arms around his neck once more.

He heard the distinct sound of a sniffle against his shoulder and hugged her tighter in response.

"Don't be so down," he whispered. "This isn't forever, I'll be back to annoy you before you can blink."

"Don't forget me," she mumbled, holding him tighter.

"Never," he whispered in response. For a moment they didn't move, arms wound around each other but soon enough Helen slipped from his embrace, hastily wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her coat.

"I have to go now," she said softly, giving him a small smile. "Before I lose it completely."

"Go," he urged, despite the growing need within him to reach out and pull her back. "I'll write to you as soon as I'm settled."

She smiled faintly and stepped back, far enough away that he couldn't touch her.

"Good bye Nikola," she said, her voice surprisingly firm. She looked for a second as if she were about to say something else but then, with one last smile that took his breath away, she turned on her heel and melted into the crowd. Nikola watched until he could no longer see her red hair among the sea of people, fighting the urge to run after her.

It would be fine, he told himself, turning towards the train, heading up to the first class section of the train. They'd see each other soon enough, probably with more frequency than when he was simply living in New York. Maybe he could come for a visit, pop across to London and stay for a few months? Surely she'd be alright with that, he mused as he kept walking, barely paying attention to the hoards of people around him.

And Helen would be fine, he reminded himself. She had James to look after her and even if they rekindled whatever relationship they had, she'd not stop talking to him, he was certain of it. Not that he liked the idea of James getting his mitts on her but at least James would be able to protect her, keep her from running away and getting herself killed. Well, theoretically at least.

Nikola was just beginning to compose a letter to James in his head when a hand wrapped around his arm, dragging him through the crowd to a small alcove along the platform.

"Get off me," he snarled at the stranger, rude remark at being so mishandled ready on his tongue but as she looked up to him with bright blue eyes and a quivering bottom lip, he found himself speechless. They were pressed together, indecently close and her hands rested on his chest, an envelope between her hand and his jacket.

"Helen," he breathed, voice breaking. He knew in an instant that this was his Helen, the one who loved him, the one who kept him going when he felt like nothing could ever go right again.

"Nikola," she whispered, her lips curling into a faint smile as her eyes began to water.

"Oh god," he gushed, grabbing her shoulders. "I've been waiting for this day, I can't tell you how much so. I thought you'd forgotten about me, it's been so long but _god_ here you are and, Helen I... I... I am so glad you're here, I've been waiting for too long, I'd almost given up hope."

She smiled faintly again before opening her mouth to respond.

"You have to tell me everything," he continued, words tumbling from his lips in excitement. "You have to explain this all to me because I don't get it, I was just with you, you were in my arms but you're here! And I just promised to see you again soon but if I am with you, how can I visit you?"

"This was a mistake," she blurted out suddenly, eyes widening. "I... I shouldn't. We can't..."

She tried to push him backwards, to escape from their hideout but he wouldn't let her, capturing her by the waist.

"Nikola please," she whimpered, eye fluttering shut with a pain he knew had nothing to do with the way he held her to him. "I can't..."

"No," he said emphatically. "No, you can't! I mean, I just found you... You can't, please Helen!"

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, a single tear spilling down her cheek. "This was a bad idea, I shouldn't have... Oh God, I'm so sorry." She fought his hold, biting her lip as she did so, refusing to look him in the eye.

"No," he growled, holding her even more tightly. "You can't, I love you Helen. _I love you_."

She let loose a small sob at his words, half collapsing into his chest.

"You have to go," she breathed, her words barely audible over the hubbub of the station. "Please Niko."

"No Helen, no don't do this," he pleaded, well aware his voice was breaking but he didn't care. He couldn't lose her, not again. "Please don't do this to me Helen, I need you, I love you."

The words again made her choke back a sob as the hand not pressed to the envelope fisted in his coat.

"Nikola," she breathed, eyes screwed shut. "Please, let me go, you have to let me go."

"I can't," he muttered, grabbing her shoulders. "Helen I can't. You're here... You're _here_. Please don't do this... I can't..."

She swallowed heavily, taking a deep breath before she began to fight him once more.

"You have to let me go Nikola," she ordered, looking him straight in the eye.

"No," he began in protest, hoping just how much this was hurting him didn't show.

"Yes," she said, her voice as stern as her counterparts had been only minutes ago. "Now Nikola, go catch your train."

Her eyes were blazing in a way he knew meant her resolve would not falter.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice dipping but she closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly and her resolve returned.

"Never," he growled. "You can't leave me like this, not now!"

"Nikola I-."

"NO!" he almost yelled, shaking her. "Not like this, not after all this time!"

"I have to," she whispered, her voice breaking.

"Tell me I'll see you soon, tell me you'll be there when I arrive," he pleaded, ducking down to look her straight in the eye.

"I..."

"Please?" he all but whimpered. "Please Helen?"

"It's... We..."

"_Please?_"

"I..." she swallowed heavily. "I'll be there, you'll see me soon."

"Really?" he asked, his heart leaping at the idea of fake death with her by his side.

"Really," she said, nodding as she gave him a small smile. "But you have to let me go, alright?"

"You'll be there?" he asked again. "Truly Helen, you'll be with me? You'll let me love you?"

"Yes, yes," she choked out, the words distorted by tears. "I'll be there Nikola, I'll be yours, I promise love, I promise."

"Promise?" he asked again, unable to keep from grinning at the prospect.

"Promise," she insisted with a smile, her eyes not quite meeting his. Of course, he didn't notice that, his entire being struggling to keep from dragging her into his private, first class cabin.

"I love you," he said suddenly, smile dropping. "I love you Helen, I always have, I swear on my life, I lo-."

"I know," she insisted, her voice low and rough. "I love you too now go, quickly. You have to catch that train."

"But will y-."

"Yes, of course. I'll be there Nikola, I will, you'll see me soon but please go," she insisted, her voice low and quiet as she finally looked him in the eye once more. "Go."

He nodded but, before he could begin to say goodbye, she kissed him, her mouth harsh and bruising against his. It was quick, over before he could do more than understand the action but as she broke away, breathing heavily, he smiled. She was his.

"Quickly," she insisted once more, hand cupping his cheek before she stepped back and her brought a hand up to take the letter still against his chest. He reached for her, just before she could step back, still smiling brilliantly as she fought her tears.

"You'll catch a death like that," he whispered hurriedly, tugging his dark blue scarf from his neck. "Here, take it."

She tried to wave it off, tugging her arm free of his hold but before she could talk he draped it around her shoulders and stepped back.

"I'll see you soon?" he asked once more, still smiling.

She nodded, holding his scarf to her mouth as he continued walking backwards only to bump into something. Turning, he gave a quick apology to the man but, when he turned back, Helen was gone. He scouted the area for a moment but she and her dark brown locks were nowhere to be seen.

"Nikola!"

Then he heard her, her voice distinguishable to him above the din. Spinning on his heel, he prepared to offer her a spot in his cabin, after all sneaking her in was a much better option than her making her own way across the border but the red headed woman who greeted him wasn't the one he had in mind.

"Forget this," the breathless woman said, eyes twinkling. "Come back to London with me, James and I can keep you safe."

"I... I can't," he stuttered, slightly shocked at his own words. Minutes ago he'd have accepted the offer wholeheartedly but now, with his Helen waiting for him, he couldn't fathom giving her up for a woman who didn't love him the way he loved her.

Her face dropped at his words and he saw the hurt.

"You know I can't Helen," he insisted, reaching for her only to have her flinch away. "I can't endanger you or the Sanctuary like that, I'm sorry."

She nodded, her face cold and closed as she contemplated his shoes.

"Helen," he continued, reaching for her once again, cupping her cheek gently. "We'll see each other very soon, alright? I promise I won't forget you."

She met his gaze briefly and nodded.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I just... What happened to your scarf?"

"Uh, I put it in my bag," he covered quickly, shaking his single suitcase in example.

Helen frowned at his explanation but, as the announcement came to all remaining passengers that it was time to board, she said nothing, shooting him a pitiful look that made him want to scoop her up.

"Soon," he promised with a smile, walking backwards. "Soon!"

He jogged backwards for a few paces until he saw her smile before turning and hurrying to where he was supposed to be boarding. She may not like him right now but he knew, one day she'd love him and forgive him for turning down her offer. Grinning like an idiot, he tapped the letter stowed in his pocket. She'd love him. After all, in her cursive writing across the front of the envelope she'd written

_Za moju ljubav..._

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><p><strong><em>Meanwhile:<em>**

Helen scrambled for the taxi, throwing herself into the backseat as she barked out an address to the driver. His scarf was still around his neck and she pulled it up, burying her face in the soft wool that smelt so strongly of him. She tried to hold back her tears as she pressed herself into the corner but it was no use, her heart was breaking and it was entirely her own fault.

She never should have come like this, never should have tempted fate like this but she hadn't been able to resist seeing him one last time. Truly she had no idea where he'd go from here and, while she wanted to track him down, she knew she couldn't even if she had the time.

She never should have come, she cursed as she immersed herself in his scent. He was going to hate her just as much as she hated herself.


	27. Helen: 1943

***ducks***

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><p>"Can I get you something to drink sir?" a waiter asked, poking his head into Nikola's cabin of the now rocking train.<p>

"Champagne," Nikola instructed firmly, smile in place regardless of the fact he hated the drink.

"Celebrating are we sir?" the man asked with a smile, procuring a small bottle of champagne and glass.

"Most certainly," Nikola replied as the cork was popped.

"Thank you," he said warmly, accepting the glass and the smile of the young man as he backed from the carriage.

Smiling to himself, Nikola sipped his glass as he slipped the letter from his pocket, eyes tracing the familiar handwriting. 'To my love', he thought with a smile. Was there any better way to start off a new life with the woman he loved than three words that spoke of a love he finally knew was reciprocated? He didn't think so...

Setting down the glass, he flipped over the letter, bringing it briefly to his face to take in the scent. This time it smelt different, a mix of both her intoxicating scent and his cologne, a by product of being pressed to him for such a period. Something about the combination seemed right to Nikola and, as he carefully prised the envelope open, he wondered how nice it would be to live in a house filled with their mixed scents.

* * *

><p><em>Za moju ljubav...<em>

* * *

><p><em>Dear Nikola,<em>

_I truly have no idea what to write. There is so much I wish to tell you, so much I want to share with you and knowing that I can't is killing me. It's almost as bad as knowing that this will be the last letter I am able to write you for more than sixty years. I am sorry that it has been such a long time since my last letter but, while I have been extraordinarily busy, my lack of communication had several other motives, chief of which is that I am having a hard enough time writing this letter. _

_I long to see you Nikola, to be able to speak with you freely. This silence has been more painful than I ever imagined and while I know that must sound selfish when I have been asking you to keep this secret for so much of your life but it is true. I have no idea how you have kept secret, how you haven't taken advantage of the other version of me. _

_And now I am stuck once more. If I am to tell the truth, I have actually already written two letters to you but neither work. One is simply several pages of me expressing my adoration for you, begging you to come back to the tiny apartment I am staying in while the other talks of how I wish to never see you again. _

_And, I think it is how I feel too. I am torn in half, wanting both to banish you from my life so that I may complete my work as well as pull you closer so that I may have what my heart truly desires._

_The truth is Niko, I love you and have for a quite some time now, making the thought of not seeing you for several decades a very painful one. It's enough to make me consider including my current address in this letter but I know I mustn't. I need you to hate me Nikola, I need you to never want to see me again so I am begging you, stay away from me Niko, please stay away for as long as you can._

_Stay away from me until you can't stay away any longer and I shall endeavour to do the same. Part of me thinks that I will fail miserably, knowing that you are separated from the other version of me and so secluded is a temptation I won't be able to resist for long. So it is up to you. I promise this will be the very last thing I ever ask of you in terms of protecting our timeline but I need you to stay away, to not seek me out because I know, if you tried, you could. I am hidden from the rest of the world but you Nikola Tesla, could find me in a heartbeat. _

_Put me from your mind, focus instead on your work and harnessing your abilities. You can do so much for the world and more than that, I know you will. Spend these years working, create, invent, design and know that in the end, I will be waiting for you._

_I shall be cold and distant and, at times, horrible to you when we meet next. I'll push you away and tell you to stop flirting with me but know that that is only from fear. Keep telling me you love me because while it scares the living daylights out of me, you can't ever stop telling me because one day I will relent. One day I will stop and turn and love you back. _

_Feel free to hate me Nikola, for all that I have put you through. Both versions of me have asked too much of you and given so little in return and, if the situation were reversed, I'd be terribly angry at you. What I've asked of you I can now see was a horrible thing to ask and something I can see I'd never have been able to do. Had I realised the extent of my feelings for you when I first began to writing I most certainly would not have been able to be as well behaved as you have been. So many times I've put us in danger, allowing myself to be far too easily picked out by you when I know better. You are making me reckless and impulsive, even now I am contemplating giving you this letter in a way that could, if I do not have the strength to turn away ruin everything I have worked for. But that doesn't frighten me! All I can think of right now is seeing you, touching you, speaking to you. _

_This all sounds awfully pig headed, my assumption that you cannot live without me or that you miss me as fiercely as I miss you could be way off base though, for the sake of my sanity, I much prefer to think that you are suffering with me. After all, we all hurt the ones we love._

_Regardless, I know that one day you shall care for me as I care for you and while I curse that it took all this time for me to recognize that, be confident in our future Nikola. I am yours, I have been for a great many years now and one day, I promise I will properly show you just how much you mean to me._

_I love you Nikola, be confident in that and know my love is as stable and everlasting as your alternating current. _

_Love,_

_Helen._

_PS: I'm sorry and I love you._

He growled as he read the last sentence, his heart shattering into a thousand pieces. She didn't say the words, she didn't have to. She wasn't coming. There would be no grand reunion, no passionate welcome to a new life, free from the burden of a government that wanted him dead.

He stood up suddenly, his vampiric transformation overcoming him as he howled his pain, swiping out with claws and shattering both his glass and the bottle. How dare she? How dare she placate him? He cursed himself momentarily, convinced he should have known but then he quickly switched his anger back to her, back to the two faced, heartbreaking woman he was in love with. The woman he would stay away from because she asked, the woman he would pretend not to know of if he ever met the other Helen again, the woman he would do anything for because she held what was left of his rotten, stinking heart in her hands.

Letting out a shuddering breath he fell back, staggering until he could flop onto the padded bench. Never in all his life had Nikola felt so utterly helpless and alone. Reaching down he grabbed up the paper he'd discarded in a fit of anger with trembling and still clawed fingers.

_PS: I'm sorry and I love you._

"Sir?" a tentative voice called from outside. "Sir are you alright?"

"Fine," he whispered hoarsely, his teeth and fangs retracting. "I'm fine."

She wasn't coming.

She wasn't coming.

She wasn't coming.


	28. Nikola: To My Wife

**Do not fear my pretties, this is not the end! There will be more to come :) You know me, unable to resist a happy ending! Anywho, thank you for the reviews and keep 'em comin' if you want the next chapter sooner than I planned!**

**xx**

* * *

><p>Helen barely made it into her tiny apartment before the tears overcame her fully and her entire body was wracked with shudders. She had to get out of here, out of New York, out of places that held constant reminders of him. Tightening the scarf around her neck she headed to the corner, just about ready to pack when a bright white light by her bedside table caught her attention. She gasped, momentarily frozen before she sprinted across the tiny room, grabbing the still warm envelope with shaking fingers.<p>

She shuffled to the bed, kicking off her shoes as she lay down on her side, allowing the mid morning sun to warm her as she traced a finger over the Serbian scrawled across the front.

* * *

><p><em>Za moju ženu...<em>

* * *

><p>Her heart caught in her throat at the phrase, eyes widening as she felt herself begin to lose it again. How could she have done that to him? How could she have hurt this man?<p>

Biting her lip and snuggling further into the scarf, she flipped the letter over, carefully opening it and pulling out the thick paper that actually managed to smell faintly of him. Or maybe it was just, after all this time, she had started to associate the smell of the paper with him. Pushing the thought aside for a later date, she began to read, eyes devouring the words of the last letter she knew she'd receive from him.

* * *

><p><em>Helen,<em>

_Oh my dear sweet Helen. I can't tell you how sad I am that this is my final letter to you. I know the next few years are going to be as hard on you as they were on me though at least whatever heartache you suffer you know was self inflicted. That may sound callous and uncaring but you have to understand, even all these years later I can still feel the unadulterated pain that ripped through me. I knew it, the second I began reading your tear stained letter I knew that you weren't coming to meet me, you weren't going to be by my side as I hid from the world and it almost killed me. The entire train trip I was inconsolable, I wouldn't allow anyone near me and I destroyed at least half of the upholstery. I came to forgive you in time, when I realised you truly had no choice in the matter but still part of me laments the time we should have had. _

_You broke my heart with that letter, it was half the reason I stayed away from both versions of you for so very long. I knew you were not the same person but, just as I had difficulty separating my feelings for you two in the romantic sense, I had the same problem with my anger. In my mind you were both the same, different people but you had both broken my heart beyond repair. _

_You asked me to hate you in that letter and, I'll admit, for a time I came pretty close. Of course, I couldn't actually bring myself to hate you, you know I hate to have to follow all your instructions and it was my way of rebelling, of ignoring what you asked of me but, for a time, I almost didn't want to see you. Or at least I convinced myself that I didn't want to. _

_As time passed, I slowly grew to distance myself, to pretend that it hadn't happened. There was even a point where I allowed myself to read your letters again because, as always, I cannot stay mad at you. I love you far too much to hold that kind of a grudge. It took many years but eventually I managed to look back on our last kiss with fondness. In truth, it did inspire my kiss in Rome, though I had hoped for a warmer reception regardless of the fact that I'd so cruelly turned down your offer to hide out with you and James. Not that I would have been able to stomach you and James in what I now know was a time of great passion for both of you. _

_Part of me hoped that you'd break your promise and come to me, come and destroy the time line just for the chance to be together but, at the time even I was able to realise just how pig-headed that was. While you loved me, you had bigger fish to fry and I felt incredibly petty for thinking you'd actually do it. Didn't stop me hoping though._

_But I stayed away, I truly did for as long as I could stand. I figured sixty years was more than enough time for you to realise how much you needed me, how much you cared for me. I'll admit, my entrance wasn't great but I swear to you this Helen, I stayed away for as long as humanly possible. By the end I thought I'd lose it completely if I didn't get the chance to talk to you once more. Of course, I had been watching you for the majority of those sixty years, poking my head over a fence or two as I watched you grow your empire. Those little glimpses were enough for a while, they kept me going and seeing the pictures of me dotted around your various homes certainly helped me to feel as if you were keeping your promise of not forgetting me but, as vampiric as I am, I am still a man and there is only so much a man can take. _

_And so here I am, sitting in our sumptuous hotel room, watching you doze in the mid morning sun and finally, it all seems worth it. The heartache, the anger, the frustration, all of it melts away now that I understand what you had to go through, the pain you had to suffer because of me. For me. I can never thank you enough Helen for fighting so hard for what we have. I cannot imagine my life without you or imagine where I would have ended up and that is because of you. You have made me happier than I ever thought I could be at great personal cost to yourself._

_Don't worry my darling girl, it's not long now. Soon enough things will be brighter for you and in the mean time, you have a great many things to keep you busy enough that you'll soon forget all about me. Well, probably not but I'm certain you'll be able to keep yourself distracted enough that, until we meet again you'll hardly think of me. Though I would prefer it if you were to pine over me for a little while at least. I'd never pass up a little ego stroking in that respect._

_Now, before I go (because if I continue to write, this shall become nothing more than a confession of how much I love you which I think to be rather superfluous at this point), I have to ask, do you want to know a secret? Well, of course you do, I mean your curiosity is second to none but I feel I should ask none the less. _

_I am writing this from our honeymoon though I don't think it is much of a holiday considering the fact that we've been darting about and visiting all the right places to send your letters whizzing back through time but it is a honeymoon in name if nothing else. I know by now you've probably guessed that our relationship is a little more amorous than you are probably used to, hell, it's more amorous than I am used to and we've been together for almost a year now but I just wanted to give you a heads up. And gloat a little because truly, you are the best thing that ever happened to me._

_I wouldn't change any of it. Not the heartbreak, not the separation, not the fact that I have to put up with the children for you. You mean more to me than I ever thought possible and I know now that if you asked me to spend over a century without you, I couldn't do it. I'd try if that was what you really wanted but I wouldn't survive. I know I wouldn't. _

_I love you Helen. Too much. And as I sit here, watching you mumble in your sleep, a sure sign that you are close to waking, I cannot wipe the smile off my face. Don't tell anyone but finally, I have everything I was ever looking for._

"Nikola?" she asked softly, blinking over at him as she stretched.

"I'm here love, just finishing off the last letter," he said softly, giving her a wide smile.

"Come back to bed," she murmured huskily, propping herself up on her elbow to give him a grin.

Nikola chuckled and shook his head.

_You are magnificent, Doctor Magnus-Tesla (please?) and I promise to love you for the rest of my days, regardless of how much you may regret your decision to give me free reign when it comes to expressing my adoration for you. In private, obviously because jumping your bones in front of the children would be a very bad idea._

"Please Niko," she continued with a pout, brushing her hair back as she leant forward, allowing her sheet to slip down just a little further.

"Why?" he asked, not looking up from the desk. "What do you have planned for me?"

_I love you, you crazy, psychotic, infuriating woman. Because you are mine and don't you ever forget it._

"Remember our wedding night?" she asked suggestively, dropping the sheet and turning to drop her legs over the edge of the bed. "And wedding day?"

"Vividly," he replied, looking over at her with a glint in his eye. His grin grew.

_Love_

_Nikola Tesla-Magnus_

_PS:_

"Give me that," Helen chastised, leaning over his shoulder as she grabbed his pen, her now silk clad body rubbing against his. Turning his head, Nikola pressed a kiss to her neck, keeping one eye on the paper as she scrawled something where he'd been just about to write his own post script. Admittedly, hers was much more creative than his planned '_I love you_' and he raised an eyebrow.

"So that's how you knew..." he breathed, eyes wide at the memory of how fantastic what she'd just instructed her past self to do felt.

"Now," she said, straightening up an dropping the pen back to the table. "Back to bed?"

Unsurprisingly, Nikola readily complied.


	29. Nikola: Resisting

**Alrighty, so, this is set 68 years after the last letter, shortly after Helen and Henry get back from SCIU (if you haven't seen Resistance, stop living under a rock, go watch it and then come back to read this). **

**I have debated about making this the last chapter of 'Letters To The Past' and posting the next three in the additional scenes companion piece but am yet to decide. Leaning towards putting it here though so eyes peeled kids!**

**Anywhoooo, reviews purdy please? With Teslen on top?**

**xx**

* * *

><p>"Uh Doc?" Henry said, his voice tinny as if came through the speakers on her phone.<p>

"Yes Henry?" she replied, getting ready to walk back down to him. Surely going through the SCIU data wasn't dangerous enough to warrant her attention already.

"I've, uh, found something I think you might want to take a look at," he said uncomfortably. "I'll send it up now if that's O.K?"

"Certainly," she agreed, confused.

"Just, uh, maybe wait until you're alone to read it," he added before terminating the link. Helen's brow furrowed in confusion as she turned her attention back to the computer screen, waiting for Henry's 'information' to come through. She puzzled over what it could be, running through every stupid idea Nikola had ever had and how it could now spell the end of civilization. When the tears started to form in her eyes, she pushed the thought away. Seeing him had been bad enough, she didn't need to dwell on what hadn't been.

From the moment she'd realised that it was in fact his office they were standing in, her heart had begun to throb painfully as she realised what the moment should have meant. It should have been a reunion, a moment of joy and happiness but then she'd watched him strut around the room and her heart had broken little bit by little bit. It hadn't been anything he said or anything he did, even the damn red-head hadn't really riled her up that much. It was the look in his eye. The gleam of arrogance that meant that the man before her was not her Nikola, was not the man who had made her fall in love with him over the space of 130 years through letters and nothing more. So she'd yelled at him and berated him even though she knew he wasn't really betraying her.

Just then, a tiny beep sounded and Helen breathed a sigh of relief, turning her attention back to the computer. Clicking on the new email, she forced Nikola from her mind.

_- Hey Doc, I think this was meant for you._

_- Henry_

Still utterly confused, Helen clicked on the attachment entitled 'Letter' and started to read.

* * *

><p><em>Za <em>_moju__ ljubav..._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Helen,<em>

_This is not the first time I've written to you but it will most certainly be the first time you will read a letter of mine. To be honest, I am dubious about writing this particular letter but, the sheer fact that it has been over 60 years since you broke my heart means that I am now verging on desperate to experience such an intimacy with you once more._

_I miss you, love. Plain and simple. I miss you sweet words, your hidden jokes even your scolding for things I was yet to do. I miss the way you would tell me you love me even if the words often eluded you. I miss your jokes and I miss coming home to find your scent on my pillow. _

_You said one day, far into the future that you would speak to me, that you would tell me that it was time for there to be an 'us' but you never gave me a timeframe and it's killing me. I miss you Helen. I need for it to be time more than you will ever know. You are the only woman I have ever been able to love and, while I will wait for another hundred years for you, I'm not sure how bitter such an effort would make me. _

_You broke my heart with your last letter and it made me vow to never again let you so close to my heart but I can't take this any longer. I can forgive the lies, I understand they were necessary and I can forgive the tantalizing glimpse at our future you provided me with but I know that if I did not take this chance, I'd never forgive myself. I promise you Helen, I will walk away for as long as I can, just as you asked. _

_I know that right now you don't trust me and you shouldn't, this job was a bad idea, even if I did take it for the right reasons. Perhaps I am trying to get your attention, perhaps I just made a mistake but either way, I know I can do more for your cause here than I could do from the outside. _

_The material I have provided Henry with is only the tip of a very large iceberg I intend on sharing with you but, sadly this will be the only letter to accompany them. I don't know if this is the time or if I'm making a grave mistake in sending this but I honestly don't care. I've spent too damn long silently loving a version of you who doesn't yet love me and, while it pains me to say it, I give up. One day this letter will make sense to you and, when that day arrives, I will be there for you. Until then I shall try my very best to stay away. It will hurt and I'll probably be worse off for such an endeavour but I'm certain nothing could hurt more than having you stare into my eyes but not really see me. _

_I love you Helen, more than I ever thought possible and one day I promise to make you happier than you ever thought possible. Until then, remember that, no matter what I am yours and you are mine. _

_Eternally yours,_

_Nikola_

_PS: You will always look hot. _


	30. Post Resistance

**And so here we are, the very last chapter of what, somehow, took longer than the entirety of season four to write. I'd like to think it's vaguely canon-y and you'll see why come the last update for the additional scenes. Basically, my thought is that they keep it a secret until the time is right, thus making the season four finale kiss, a goodbye/good luck/don't die/I love you kiss. As opposed to an I should have done this a while back kiss :P**

**Anywhoooo, thank you to those who have been reviewing from the start. This includes the likes of ZaraShade (who, for a time was my lovely yet lonesome reviewer), Meegan and lastrequest who were amazing, especially when this first started and I got fed up with the story. Much hugs and love to you all though because the support has meant the world to me :) I can't actually believe this is over, it's a little surreal to be honest :P**

**xx**

* * *

><p>With a barely suppressed sob, Helen jumped up, her chair falling over as she did so but she didn't care. Quickly she tapped a few keys before dashing over to the printer, tapping her foot as she waited impatiently for the letter to print. Snatching it from the tray, she turned on her heel, dashing from the room and towards the elevator. With shaking fingers she folded the letter and waited for the elevator, silently cursing herself. How could she be so blind?<p>

It took only a few moments for her to reach Henry's lab again but to her it seemed like a life time. Striding in, she went straight to his side.

"Did he leave us any way to contact him?" she asked before Henry could open his mouth. He stared at her in shock for a few moments before a curt glance got him spluttering.

"Uh, no... Not really. I mean I could-."

"How long will it take?"

"To find a direct line to him? Maybe a few days."

Henry jumped slightly when she swore venomously.

"I do have the general SCIU line if you want?" he offered meekly. She held out her hand and he scrambled to find some paper and a pen on his desk. He scrawled down the number as she fought the urge to tap her toe. Stupid, stupid her!

"H-here," he stuttered, holding the paper out to her. She grabbed it, shoving it into her pocket before turning to leave.

"I'll be gone for a day or two," she said over her shoulder. "Tell the others and I'll call you when I get there."

She heard him call out for more information but she didn't respond, hurrying back to her office to make the necessary phone calls.

* * *

><p>It took less than an hour for her to be sitting on the runway, letter clutched tightly in hand. She had only a small travel bag with two changes of clothes, an old copy of Persuasion and the wooden box containing each of his letters. Her body was shaking slightly as she stared out the window of the private jet but try as she might, she couldn't stem it. Biting her bottom lip hard, she closed her eyes as she re-read his latest letter in her mind.<p>

* * *

><p>The moment her plane had touched down, she'd been on her phone, dialling and re-dialling the phone number Henry had sourced but every time they put her on hold, telling her they'd get to her in a moment. She knew the trick, it was one telemarketers got if they called any of privately designated Sanctuary phone lines. There was a pass code she'd need to input to get passed the first line and if she had Henry, she may have been able to crack it but right now she couldn't be bothered.<p>

The private landing strip was a fair distance from her final destination and no matter how many times she asked the driver to speed up, he seemed to be too attached to speed limits to listen to his high paying client.

She decided it was some kind of miracle that they reached the facility in less than a decade and before the man could ask after her return time, she was out of the car, clutching only the now very crumpled piece of paper that contained his most recent words.

Briefly she wondered if she should try and sneak in as they'd done earlier in the day but she dismissed the thought quickly, they'd probably already patched up the security flaws they'd taken advantage of. So, instead she strode straight in, her high heels clacking away on the polished floor of the lobby.

There was a young woman at the reception who looked up, startled when she came in but Helen ignored her pleas to stop. Nothing, absolutely nothing was getting in her way.

* * *

><p>"And we'll need to shut down laboratory six for the next few days," Nikola said lazily, swirling his wine as he contemplated his shiny shoes propped up on the edge of his desk. As much fun as seeing Helen had been (deaths of his employee's aside), she had left him with a rather large clean up job.<p>

"But what about our experiments?" the red head pouted at him. "You said we could spend all week working in there Nikki."

Sighing, he ignored the comment. The woman was fun and certainly good to look at but after having been reacquainted with Helen and the gorgeous enigma that she was this young thing suddenly held a fair bit less attraction. Maybe if she wasn't so simpering, he mused, taking a sip of wine.

"Get your hands off of me _now_," a haughty voice cried from just beyond his door and Nikola sat up with a start. He'd recognise those affronted tones anywhere. After all, he'd been the source of them on several enjoyable occasions.

He couldn't help but smile as he heard the scuffle outside but as the red head gasped, he rolled his eyes.

"Nikki," she breathed, eyes wide. "What's going on? Is that thing back? Don't let it hurt me, please."

Biting his tongue, Nikola walked around his desk eagerly just as the door burst open, a thoroughly mussed looking Helen Magnus standing in his doorway. He could see, just behind her his unconscious guards and his grinned widened. She really couldn't not know how hot that was, could she?

"Helen darling," he drawled with a smirk.

"Nikola," she breathed, something in her eyes softening as she took him in. His breath caught in his throat and his smile faltered.

"Nikki," the other woman started again, her tone cautious as she made to flatten herself to his side. He pushed her away, trying to be gentle but almost wanting to pull her closer, if only to make Helen jealous. He noted with joy how Helen's eyes didn't stray from his as he stepped towards her.

"Leave us," he said to the red head, waving his hand dismissively.

"But Nikki..."

"Leave."

She whimpered softly before following his orders, edging around Helen with a murderous gleam in her eye.

As the door shut, Nikola breathed a silent sigh of relief. He half expected Helen to turn and run away but she was still standing here, eyes wide and breathing heavy. Then his eyes were drawn to her hand and the crunched up piece of paper she held. Oh. She was going to hate him, berate him for making such ridiculous claims on their friendship.

"About that," he began, searching for an excuse. He'd meant every word but this was not the Helen who would appreciate those words and he had to try and salvage the situation. How could he have been so stupid? This wasn't the time, obviously or she'd not be standing across the room from him.

"It's me," she breathed, swallowing heavily as she took an uncertain step towards him.

"No, I got that," he joked lamely. "Helen Magnus as I live and breathe only I thought I sent you back to Old City a few hours ago."

"No Nikola," she said, her voice breaking ever so slightly. "It's me."

Her eyes grew wider as she pleaded with him to understand. He took a step towards her, the need to give her comfort undeniable despite his still growing fear that she'd want his head on a platter.

"I know," he said again, brow furrowing. "What's the matter Helen?"

"No," she cried, growing angry as she closed the distance between them. She pressed the fist holding the letter to his chest, the other arm snaking around his neck as she look him dead in the eye.

"It's. Me."

She smiled softly at him for a moment before leaning in and pressing her lips to his desperately. He reacted instantly, arms coming around her as he held her close, kissing her with everything he had. He knew he might not ever get another chance to do this and he wasn't going to squander to opportunity. Her tongue danced with his as she sighed into the kiss, slipping the other hand up and around his neck. Pulling back, she rested her forehead against his.

"It's me," she said once more before pulling back and turning away from him. He saw the tears glistening on her cheeks as she headed out the door but he couldn't move, his mind still whirring.

He listened to her heels clacking down the corridor as he tried to piece it together. And then he wanted to slam his head against the damn door!

"Helen!" he cried, racing out the door after her, breathing heavily. Stupid, stupid, stupid! How hadn't he realised?

"Helen! Please! Wait! I love you!"

* * *

><p><strong>Bwahaha! You so wanna kill me right now, don't you? And yes, I know, Nikola was stupid for not realising it earlier but I'm going with the fact that he was so certain that this wasn't the time for them that he was blinded. Plus, blinded by her kisses too :P<strong>

**xx**


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